


Sleepless in high school

by rudesunyoung



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Comedy, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Romance, Teen Pregnancy, Teenage Drama, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2019-11-21 20:31:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 33,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18147083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rudesunyoung/pseuds/rudesunyoung
Summary: When Jennie punches the little girl with pigtails and power ranger sneakers in second grade, Lisa knows that she's gonna be her best friend. Through scary movies, menstrual cramps, and middle school sports, Lisa and Jennie stick to each other. In high school, amidst her raging hormones, Lisa also comes to accept that the attraction she's felt for Jennie goes beyond being best friends. If only she could work up the nerve to tell her that.





	1. a window into you

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really excited to share this with you guys and I hope you enjoy it!  
> The second part will be up soon, so just wait patiently :)  
>  this symbol refers to a flashback

Lisa tightens her grip on the water bottle in her hand. 

She doesn’t know why she feels so nervous but she does. 

She does a quick armpit check and after confirming that _no_ , she's not sweating through her sweatshirt and _yes_ , her deodorant is still fragrant, she deems the coast clear.

 _Just go over there,_ she tells herself. “I’m trying to!” she whispers.

A girl, grabbing a book down from the shelf, briefly looks at her and Lisa winces when she tries to smile at the girl but she turns around and walks away.

“I need to stop talking to myself,” she sighs. “Like now. Okay, _now_.”

She pinches the bridge of her nose and takes a deep breath. With her eyes closed, it’s easier to imagine that she’s not here. That she’s behind the safety of her bedroom doors, probably on the second season of The Flash and eating Cheetos under her blankets. 

_Fuck,_ she really wants to be home right now. 

But no. No, no, no. She’s got to do something first. 

When Lisa opens her eyes, she squares her shoulders and briefly adjusts the straps of her backpack before walking towards the last table against the far wall. She tries to make it to the table as smoothly as possible but of course, _of-fucking-course_ , she can’t do anything right, like walk in a straight line. Just as she’s approaching the table, she runs into the back of a chair and winces as she grabs her hip. The chair almost topples over, so she grabs it quickly, the legs making a sharp squeaking noise as a few people look over at her. 

Jennie does too and Lisa has to hurriedly push the chair back in before she limps the rest of the way to the table. 

The older girl is staring at her unimpressed and Lisa turns even redder if that's possible. She’s probably gonna need to walk this off but she can worry about that when she has to go to practice later today. 

“I got you this,” she says and pushes the water bottle across the table before swinging her backpack forward and dumping it on the table. She quickly unzips the front pocket and takes out a small bag of Doritos and a Ziploc bag she stuffed with grapes. “And this,” she says passing it over to her. 

Jennie looks at the contents before closing her economics book shut and pushing her notebook away. Her different colored gel pens all roll across the table as she moves her stuff and the eraser that Lisa had let her use during second period is halfway done. 

Jennie really struggles with economics. 

“You know I only eat Cool Ranch, right?” Jennie pouts. 

Lisa deflates and tries to reach across the table to grab it, but Jennie is faster, snatching it up and holding it to her chest. 

“Ungrateful,” Lisa mutters. “I know that,” she sighs. “But they were all out, besides you like Nacho Cheese. You almost inhaled the entire bag the last time we were at my house.”

Jennie frowns and looks down at the small bag before sighing and reluctantly ripping it open. “Can you at least buy me some on our way home?”

Lisa really shouldn’t. She _really_ wanted to buy the next issue of this manga that she was currently reading, but perhaps she could just ask her dad for some money. It wouldn’t hurt. 

“Fine,” she sighs and dramatically slumps face down on the table. 

She may or may not open one of her eyes to see Jennie’s small smile on her face and she may or may not put her face back down to smile into the wood.

 

 

* * *

 

 

  
  
  
  


Lisa and Jennie have been best friends since second grade when this little girl pushed Lisa off the swings and Jennie punched her in the mouth. 

She didn’t even have time to cry because she couldn’t believe that the short girl with the PowerPuff Girls backpack and the light up sneakers could punch someone like that. Granted, Jennie did have to sit in time out for the rest of the day and she did get her color changed to red, but their friendship was forever cemented that day. 

They had watched their first scary movie together in third grade. It was at Jennie’s older sister’s insistence, putting in The Conjuring, while Lisa had stayed the night because it was a sleepover. Underneath a mound of blankets and a large bowl of popcorn, not only had Jennie screamed throughout the entire thing, but Lisa had even cried because Jennie’s screaming was freaking her out so much. 

In fourth grade, when Lisa had gotten a kitten, Jennie had named her Luna because she was ‘white like the moon.’ She had watched for days as Jennie would come over and play with her, letting her lick her fingers and rub up against her legs. She thought it was weird when Jennie wasn’t around and all Luna would do is scratch sadly at the door. 

In fifth grade, Jennie’s dad died. A drunk driver had rear-ended him while he was stopped at a red light. The impact had killed him instantly. Lisa didn’t know a lot about death at that point. She had seen it on TV and read about it in books, but she had never seen it personally. She would watch Jennie cry as they walked home and she would stare at her when she would refuse to eat anything at lunchtime.

When she went to the funeral, Jennie made her sit next to her and she held her hand so tightly that it hurt, but Lisa didn’t say anything. She thought that his funeral was beautiful, if funerals could even be described that way. They used a really nice picture, one that made him look really young. He had the same eyes as Jennie and the same smile that she wore when she was happy. His casket was a black polished color with white roses adorning the outside. There were so many flowers that Lisa thought they could have grown around him. 

When they started middle school, Lisa and Jennie both joined the swim team, but mostly because they liked being in the water so much. Jennie wasn’t very good at it but she only wanted to hang out with Lisa, well, that’s what she had told her anyway. Lisa, however, was their middle school’s ace and lead them to numerous small division and district-wide championships.  
For some reason, it always made her happy to see Jennie smile at her like that whenever she was awarded a medal. 

In seventh grade, they learn about sexual education in biology and while all the boys laugh and some of the girls cover their ears, Lisa is actually interested. She listens as the teacher displays different diagrams of the female body, pointing to certain areas and explaining what can happen if they’re stimulated.

Stimulated.

Lisa thinks that’s a funny word. When she goes home, she undresses in front of her bathroom mirror and stares at herself for ten minutes. Her boobs aren’t like the ones in the video, in all honesty, it looks like the chest of the boy from the diagram.  
When she walks to school, she tries to imagine what Jennie might look like underneath her clothes. It’s weird at first, and she feels bad about it, but she keeps that to herself. 

In eighth grade, there’s a dance to celebrate all the students that will transition to high school next year. The gymnasium is decorated in streamers, silver-colored balloons, and a disco ball that lights up the floor in a multitude of colors. The music is pretty good and the punch is actually tasty. Lisa remembers standing off to the side awkwardly, rubbing her hands against the dress that her mom had forced her in and scuffing her flats against the floor. She had come earlier than she wanted and no one else was dancing. Everyone was either talking or sitting at the tables and playing games. 

When Jennie had finally arrived, Lisa choked on her fruit punch and spilled some on her dress, hurriedly trying to wipe it away with a handful of napkins.  
She was just- she looked _really, really_ pretty. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail and her bangs were curled and pushed to the side. She was wearing a black dress that had rose petal designs on the bottom and a white cardigan over it. It was like her feet were meant to walk over to Lisa, like she knew where she was despite all the students in the gym. 

When she smiled at her, Lisa knew that she would never meet a girl prettier than Jennie Kim. 

During their freshman year of high school, Lisa realizes that she probably like girls and by girls, she means one and by one, she means Jennie Kim. 

Over the summer, Jennie had gotten braces and although she had been upset about it at the start of the school year, Lisa had thought she was the cutest person at Stone Mountain High. Whenever she would talk, Lisa would watch her mouth move and imagine what it would be like to kiss her sometimes. It was a weird feeling at first, to think of Jennie like that. She tried to push it away, maybe she was just going through something, a phase, what she had heard a teacher describe it once. But it was constantly on her mind and she thought about it all the time. At first, she looked at the girls in the magazines and thought would it be like to hold their hands or probably laugh at one of their jokes. 

Then she would watch videos on YouTube and scrub backward on the parts where the girls would kiss each other and imagine what it would be like to do that.  
When she told Jennie that she liked girls, she had looked shocked and it almost made Lisa cry. She had read through a thread of conversations in this support group thing and it made her feel good at first, but now she was just afraid.  


When she almost felt like crying because Jennie still hadn’t said anything, she felt the girl grab her hand and lace their fingers together.

Somehow that action had said more than words could ever.

In tenth grade, Lisa kisses her first girl and it’s not Jennie. Her name is Rachel and she’s Vietnamese. They hold hands outside the 7-Eleven across the street from the elementary school and she tastes like cherry cola and Laffy-Taffy. 

The kiss is nice but it doesn’t feel like anything miraculous or extraordinary, at least not how she envisioned it in her own head. 

When she tells Jennie about it, she doesn’t realize that Jennie isn’t listening and she doesn’t make a big deal out of it when Jennie leaves her house either. 

 

In the eleventh grade, Lisa is chosen as the captain of the swim team and Jennie finds out she's pregnant.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“My mom gave me fifty dollars this morning, so I’m going to the mall. Do you wanna come with?”

Lisa chokes on the granola bar that is halfway in her mouth. She dusts the crumbs away from her mouth and adjusts the strap of her backpack on her shoulder. 

“Did you just say _fifty bucks_? But I just bought you Nacho Cheese Doritos! And those snacks earlier when we were in the library!” she whines. 

They’re already walking in the opposite direction of their neighborhood, towards the subway station at the end of the street and Lisa really wants to cry. 

“I didn’t ask you to buy that for me,” she shrugs. 

Lisa gapes and literally stops in her tracks, her sneakers scuffing against the pavement as Jennie keeps walking ahead and only stops when she realizes that Lisa isn’t beside her.

“Yes you did!” she shouts, pointing her finger accusingly. “You literally said, _‘Lisa, please buy me something to eat so I don’t starve today.’_

In retrospect, she should have pointed out to Jennie that there was no way she could literally starve because she had eaten breakfast at her house this morning and her dad had prepared a feast for both girls. Lisa complained that she would throw up at swim practice if she ate anymore so Jennie had eaten her share too. 

Not to mention, Jennie’s mom always packed her favorite food for lunch, so she had literally eaten an hour before she complained at Lisa to buy her some snacks. Now that she thought about it, she wonders why she didn’t just say no. 

God, she’s such a fucking idiot. 

Jennie has the audacity to laugh, to _actually_ laugh behind her cute fingers and her freshly painted red nails like it’s the funniest thing ever. “I’m sorry,” she giggles. “Come on,” she says and holds her hand out to Lisa. 

“I’ll buy you the new issue of that manga you’re reading and we can get fried chicken!” she beams. 

Lisa can’t even- she can’t even be mad anymore. _Fuck!_ She really wants to say not, like she really wanted to be dramatic and roll her eyes and turn around and walk all the way home. 

One, she can’t though because it’s physically impossible to be mad at her. Like she can’t even remember if she and Jennie have ever fought in all nine years together. 

Two, she never lets Jennie walk anywhere by herself. She’s tall and she can fight a little bit, so she kinda has to protect her and the baby. Jennie had laughed at her the first time she told her that by their lockers and _yeah_ , Jennie can probably throw a better punch than her but Lisa still has three inches on her, so she still wins. 

Three, the love of her life is bribing her with manga. She may be immune to a lot of things but not manga, well, and Jennie. So Jennie and mangas are things she can’t resist. So begrudgingly, she stomps over toward her best friend/ love of her life and takes her hand. She even laces their fingers together and she’s surprised that Jennie doesn’t say anything. 

“I really want to slap you right now but I don’t want to hurt your baby,” she mutters. 

Jennie hums with a small smile on her face and strokes her small bump with a hand.

 

 

* * *

 

 

  
  
  
  


Lisa remembers the party like it was yesterday. It was in July, a month before the school year would start and she and Jennie would be juniors.

Lisa didn’t really like going to parties, there was always too much weed, too much booze, and the music was never good. This party wasn’t that much different, it was actually really crowded, so crowded that there were people spilling out into the backyard and some standing in the front smoking pot. 

Jennie had been invited by her friends in the mathletes club and after an hour of getting ready and then getting lost, they had finally made it to Hanbin’s house. 

“This looks lame,” Lisa had muttered and rolled her eyes when a girl stumbled down the front steps laughing loudly. 

She had thought of a million other things they could have been doing. Stuff like finally finishing season 2 of Stranger Things, or eating the leftover pad thai that her mom had made the other night, or god forbid watch Jennie play FortNite for three hours straight. 

Anything but this. 

“Let’s just drink a little and say hi to everyone. We don’t socialize enough.”

“I socialize with you,” Lisa stressed. “That’s enough for me,” and when she looks away she doesn’t see the way that Jennie blushes underneath the lights. 

When they had walked up to the house and made their way through the crowd of bodies, it looked like any other regular party. There were people leaning against the wall, some talking and others kissing with their hands grabbing any piece of skin they could reach. The music was lame, as Lisa had suspected, but there was a group of people dancing in the middle of the living room and some of them hollering when one of the kids attempted to start a dance battle. They migrated to the kitchen where all the beer was and it was even more crowded in there. 

Red cups were situated on the dining table for a game of beer pong and a group of guys and a few girls were crammed around the table getting ready to play. A few people were sitting around the kitchen either eating snacks or smoking by the sink. 

Jennie had tugged her arm and lead her to the counter where she grabbed two bottles and quickly lead them out to a separate room attached to the kitchen. There weren’t many people in there, not with everyone either out in the backyard, playing beer pong, or dancing. 

They had sat at one of the couches on the far wall and it was too small for two people but they made it work. The music wasn’t as loud over here, only the vibrations causing the wall to thump and there were only two other people sitting down as well but they were both passed out. 

Jennie opened both bottles of beer for them and passed one to Lisa before shyly clinking their drinks together. 

“What are we drinking to?” Lisa had snorted. 

“Being juniors,” Jennie smiled and she let her hand splay against Lisa’s leg, something that the younger girl didn’t question. 

When she took a drink, she swallowed it and cringed at the sour taste in the back of her throat. It tasted really really bad and she kind of wish that she would have grabbed a Capri-Sun instead. Jennie had to have seen her face because when she set her beer down, she giggled and poked her cheek. 

“It’s pretty gross, huh?”

“This is so nasty,” she groaned and set hers down too. “Did you have fun? Great! Let’s go now,” she said and made a move to stand up but Jennie yanked on the back of her t-shirt, causing her to fall back on the couch. 

Lisa had whined, kicking her legs in front of her like a little child and yeah, she was seventeen, not seven but still. She _really_ didn’t want to be here.

“Just one hour, please Lalisa,” Jennie says and the Thai girl really hates that. Like on a scale of one to ten, this is an eleven. She hates when Jennie says her full name because one, she knows that Lisa can’t resist that and two, it sounds really nice when she says it. Like better than when her mom says it and that’s really something. 

This is a fight that she won’t win and when she pinches the bridge of her nose with a heavy sigh, she accepts it and Jennie accepts it. 

"I hate when I let you talk me into things," she grumbled.

"You're just weak," she cackled.

Lisa lifted her beer back off of the floor and snorted before she took a sip. If only Jennie knew. Yeah, she _is_ weak. She's weak for Jennie. She's weak for the way that she smiles when she gets her way. She's weak for how warm Jennie's arm feels as it presses against her own. She's weak for the way her perfume smells every time she turns her head and when she tightens her grip on the neck of the bottle, she prays that Jennie doesn't notice it. 

_'I like you,'_ she wants to say.

When Jennie turns her head and grins at her, she thinks of how easy it would be. How effortlessly she could love her. She wants to do that. She wants to love Jennie, but she's afraid. She's afraid that if she does, it'll completely ruin what they have. They're friends before anything else. She just hates how much her heart hurts when she thinks that it's probably all they've ever be.

It isn't fair. It isn't fair that Lisa is ridiculously in love with this girl and she doesn't know how to get it off her chest.

"Let's walk around and see if we recognize anyone here," Jennie suggests. She moves to stand up and offers her hand to Lisa, one that the girl takes and she almost chokes when Jennie laces their fingers together.

They had maneuvered around a throng of people for most of the night. Either talking to friends over stupid shit, cheering on Jackson as he tried to talk to his crush, Mark, only to be turned down, and laughed at one of the kids accidentally falling into a pool and taking his friend down with him. As the night wore on, Lisa hated to admit it but it was kinda fun. 

Jennie had managed to grab them some more beers and they migrated to the backyard, leaning against the back of the house as the wind picked up and she could hear crickets in the distance. 

“You’re smiling,” Jennie had pointed out.

Lisa took a swig from her beer and rubbed her hands on the glass before shrugging her shoulders and laughing when Jennie threatened to slap her. “Just admit that you’re enjoying yourself.”

“No.”

“I hate you, I’m seriously going to leave you right here.”

“You leave me and I’ll pick you up and toss you in that pool.”

“You toss me in that pool and I won’t be your best friend anymore.”

“That was a low blow,” Lisa frowned. “You know I don’t have any friends other than you,” she whined.

Jennie laughed and lifted her beer to her lips, a small smile hiding behind the rim of the glass as she took a sip. Lisa thinks that she should probably look away now that the joke is over but she can’t. Not when Jennie is still looking at her, not when she’s holding the bottle at her waist and she looks so pretty under the lights that hang in their backyard. Lisa had unconsciously licked her lips and balled her fist at her side, in a weird way it was almost like half of the student body in the backyard didn’t exist. She saw the way the wind ruffled the high waisted skirt she was wearing and she looked at the white strapless top that she had envisioned tracing her fingertips over so many times on Jennie. Her hair was curled and pulled back in a ponytail and her cheeks were red from the alcohol and Lisa knew, she just _knew._

She was in love with her. She was so damn in love with her and wanted to tell her. 

She almost opened her mouth, she probably did part her lips, but there was always something in the way and it came in the form of Bobby Kim. 

Lisa hated that guy. 

He was Korean-American but he had spent most of his life in the United States and he never missed an opportunity to point that out to somebody. He was loud, obnoxious, and played basketball for the high school team. He was so good that Lisa couldn’t even talk about his skills because they were always winning trophies. He and Jennie had this weird thing going on where they would talk and hang out and although Jennie had told Lisa that they weren’t dating, she didn’t know what else to call it. When Bobby had interjected in the middle of Lisa about to pour her heart out on her sleeve, Jennie had looked away and smiled, it was forced obviously, but Lisa hated it anyway.

“I didn’t know you were coming,” Bobby said to Jennie, ignoring Lisa. 

“Mmh,” she nodded. “Lisa and I came together.”

It gave the Thai girl some weird satisfaction to see Bobby roll his eyes. 

“Well-” he bit his lip and rubbed his hands together. “Do you want a drink?”

“I already have one,” she said and showed it to him. 

Bobby slumped his shoulders but Lisa knew that he wouldn’t give up. He didn’t know how to take no for an answer and she thinks that was her biggest issue with him. Bobby could never take hints when someone didn’t want to be around him. He couldn’t take hints when someone didn’t want to hear what he had to say. He didn’t know how to back down when someone refused him. 

“Lisa!”

The shout was so loud that she dropped her beer, the bottle falling on the grass as the cold liquid trickled out. 

It was her teammates on the swim team. They still had their tracksuits on, probably from a late swim practice. Seulgi was in front, a glass of something red in her hand that sloshed around as she walked over. Vernon was behind her as well, followed by Junhui, Momo, Sana, and Mingyu. 

“Hey guys,” she smiled and moved from her place on the wall so she was standing closer to Jennie. “What’s up?”

“Mingyu’s boyfriend, Wonwoo is about to play beer pong. Wanna come watch? He says he has a low alcohol tolerance so he’ll probably puke,” Seulgi snorted. 

“No thanks,” she shook her head but Vernon was already protesting loudly and yanking on her arm to come along. 

“Guys, no-”

She turned back to look at Jennie but Bobby was holding her wrist in his hands and forcing her to look at him as he touched her chin. When Vernon yanked her into the throng of her teammates, that was the last time she had seen Jennie that night.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this happy before,” Jennie snorted. 

Lisa sighs happily, holding up the fifth issue of My Hero Academia in her hands before pressing it to her chest and being careful not to squeeze it so she doesn’t damage the pages. 

She wouldn’t be _wrong_ per se, but Lisa was actually also pretty happy that one time in sixth grade when they were playing dodgeball and Jennie was the team leader and she had picked Lisa first. 

She was ridiculously happy that day. Jennie just couldn’t tell with the whole ice pack thing in the way. But she keeps that to herself. 

“You don’t understand,” Lisa stresses and peeks up at Jennie, “I’ve been waiting for this for _weeks_.”

She kind of wants to kiss Jennie, just on her cheek though but she doesn’t want it to be weird. Would that be weird? I mean, they hold hands sometimes. But maybe Jennie wouldn’t like that if she did it so unannounced. Yeah, she probably shouldn’t do that. 

“...sa. Lisa?” Jennie says waving her hand in front of her face.

“You spacing out on me?”

“Sorry,” she flushes and continues to walk beside Jennie as they round the corner in the crowded shopping mall. 

“What were you thinking so hard about?”

“Nothing,” she shakes her head. 

There’s a store with stickers of colorful blocks plastered on the large windows and a sign that reads YOUR LITTLE ONE’S CORNER in pastel colors on the front. Everything is small, and plush, and absolutely the perfect place to find something for a baby. There are three other women shopping in the store, both of them older, while the other woman looks young with a baby strapped to her chest. 

The lady looking at dresses on the wall briefly glances at Jennie and she does a double take when she sees the uniform that both girls are wearing and the size of Jennie’s stomach. Her scoff is louder than the soft music that plays overhead but Jennie ignores it, she’s used to it by now. 

Jennie’s mom had brought the major things stuff like a crib, a car seat, a bassinet, a changing table, and bottles, but she had left the clothes shopping and toy buying to her daughter. When Jennie walks off to look at a yellow and orange patterned onesie, she held it up to Lisa and smiled. 

“It’s cute, right?”

“It is,” she hums and looks around the store. There’s a section of toys on the other side. A shelf full of Toy Story themed pacifiers, diapers, toys, and sippy cups. There’s a rocking horse pushed into the corner and a small bookcase of picture books and a giant stuffed panda leaning against a display rack. 

Lisa picks up a stuffed pink bear with large black eyes and a smile stitched on its face that makes her grin. 

“Can I buy this for you?” she asks Jennie when she finds her picking up a bag of bibs. 

She looks at the pink bear that Lisa shows her and smiles. Her smile is so beautiful that Lisa wants to buy all the stuffed bears and just give them to her. Just have it shipped to her house and stuffed in her room. 

“It’s really cute,” she chuckles and nods. “Do you like it?” she asks her stomach, rubbing it gently.

 _“Of course, I like it mommy_ ,” she says in a high-pitched voice. She giggles to herself like it’s the funniest thing ever and yeah, Lisa is not only going to buy this bear, but she’s also gonna buy the black one too. It can be a matching set.

When they go to the register to pay for the stuff, the woman at the counter rings up their things and politely asks Jennie how far along she is. 

“Four months,” she says holding up four fingers. 

“Congratulations,” she smiles and as she’s about to scan the two different bears, Lisa holds out a ten dollar bill and ignores the confused look that Jennie gives her. 

“These are separate,” she says. 

“But my mom gave us fifty-”

“They’re separate,” she tells the lady again. 

The woman looks between both of them, her hand froze in mid-air as she holds the teddy bear before she nods hesitantly. 

“Okay…”

 

 

* * *

 

 

  
  
  
  


When Jennie had told her she was pregnant it felt like the universe was playing a cruel prank on her.

She had come over much like any other day, except she looked off. She was wearing a large hoodie and she had bags underneath her eyes that looked like she hadn’t been sleeping very well. Lisa let her sit on her computer chair, pulling her legs up like she always does while she sat on the edge of her bed. 

For a while, they didn’t say anything to each other. It wasn’t until Jennie pulled out what looked like a small piece of paper and handed it to Lisa that she found out. 

“I thought I had a virus,” she said and her voice shook as she stared at the picture in Lisa’s hand. 

It was an ultrasound picture. 

Lisa didn’t really know what to look at, all she could see was a really tiny gray blob and an arrow pointing at it so she assumed that must be the baby. She swallowed what felt like bricks in her throat and stared at the picture like it was a joke, like it was some stupid joke. 

“I kept throwing up and my mom finally took me to the hospital. They took a urine sample and a blood test and after a couple of hours, the doctor told me I was six weeks along.”

Lisa refused to look at her. 

It was like all the blood was rushing to her head and she couldn’t think straight. She held the picture in her hands but what she really wanted to do was give it back. She didn’t even want to hold the ultrasound picture. She didn’t want to look at it. She didn’t even want to listen to what she was saying. 

Screw it, if that made her a bad friend. She felt hurt. Like truly, deeply hurt. She felt like someone had sucker punched her in the gut and kicked her into the ground. 

She was _pissed_. That’s what it was. 

She wanted to scream. She wanted to kick her out of her house honestly. It felt like every emotion that she had every felt wanted to come out. She wanted to cry and she wanted to scream and she wanted to be away from Jennie.

What a stupid girl. How dumb do you have to be to get yourself pregnant? In high school of all times? She had ground her teeth and passed the photo back to her, watching as she stuck it back inside the pocket of her hoodie and laid her hand over it. 

They didn’t say anything. 

Lisa wouldn’t dare say any of the things that she was thinking in her own head. 

Jennie was quiet and picking at the material of her hoodie, her pink nail polish was chipped and some of her nails looked irritated and uneven as if she had been biting them. That was something she only did when she was anxious. 

It felt like hours had passed before Jennie had coughed and straightened up in the chair but really it was probably only a few minutes. “Why aren’t you saying anything?”

“What do you want me to say?” Lisa said and she didn’t mean for it to come out so harsh but she couldn’t help it.

 _“Congratulations?_ Is that want you want to hear?” she shook her head. “Are you even keeping it?”

Jennie had flinched, her eyes cast downward as she tongued the inside of her cheek before moving out of the chair and wiping her eyes so Lisa wouldn’t see her cry.

“Fuck you,” she muttered and slammed the door to her bedroom behind her.

Lisa had watched her leave and didn’t even have the guts to go after her and apologize.

 

 

They didn’t talk for a week, probably the longest amount of time that they’ve ever gone without speaking to each other. Over the weekend, Lisa had grown increasingly guilty, mad at herself for saying something so careless and out of line. Every time she looked at her phone and her finger hovered over Jennie’s name, she felt like she deserved to be punched. 

What kind of best friend says something like that? Regardless of how she feels about her, Jennie came to tell her something incredibly personal, something that was a big deal and she had let her own feelings get in the way and said some stupid shit.

After packing a bag, she went to the E-Mart and bought a whole bunch of snacks, almost a hundred dollars worth of junk food and walked all the way to Jennie’s house, climbing over her backyard fence and standing where her bedroom was located before throwing a rock at it. 

She had to have thrown five rocks before the light flickered on in her room and then the blinds were pulled open as she slid the window open. 

“Go away!” she whispered. “I hate you!”

“No, you don’t!” Lisa shouted quietly. “Look, I’m sorry okay? What I said, it wasn’t right and I’m sorry!”

Jennie was holding onto the windowsill and she kind of looked like she wanted to shut the window. She certainly didn’t look convinced that Lisa was apologetic and honestly she deserved that. 

Lisa pursed her lips and quickly swung her backpack to the front so she could unzip it and grab a pack of chips out before holding it in the air. 

“Please” she begged. “I’m sorry! And if you let me up, we can share all of this,” and when Jennie scoffed, Lisa quickly backpedaled, “or you can have it!”

She stood there for a long minute, watching Jennie’s facial expressions and praying to whatever God was out there that Jennie didn’t shut her window, close the blinds, and go back to bed. If she did, she would probably die. 

She probably looks really pathetic because Jennie rolls her eyes before waving her hand for her to climb up. 

Lisa beams and quickly zips her backpack up before turning it around and running over to the side of the house to grab the ladder next to the shed. As she sets it against the house, she climbs up and throws her bags inside the room before climbing in and shutting the window softly behind her. 

The entire room is dark minus the soft light coming from the lamp next to her bed. Everything still looks the same. Her vanity covered in bottles of toner, moisturizers and different cleansers. There's still a stack of books on the floor next to her desk, scattered papers of homework, and the different colored cups full of pens and highlights in their respective places. The only thing is that there’s a trash can next to her bed, probably for the morning sickness. Jennie is shuffling across the room in a large t-shirt and socks and Lisa tries not to stare at her because things are still awkward and now is not the time to think about how insanely attracted to her she is. 

She has to apologize first, properly. 

When she sits down on her bed, Lisa goes to her backpack and unzips it, pulling out a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos before offering it to her. 

“Here, I got you this.”

Jennie looks at the bag, she kinda has this skeptical look on her face and when Lisa continues to hold the bag in front of her, she sighs before snatching it and pulling the blankets back over herself. 

“I’m sorry,” she says again. “What I said- it wasn’t cool. It wasn’t nice either. I just- I was caught off guard.”

“How do you think I felt?” Jennie says suddenly. She still hadn’t opened the bag of chips, it’s just sitting in her lap and somehow Lisa knows she still hasn’t been forgiven yet. 

“That’s fair,” she nods. “I was being an ass and I was just surprised. I-I didn’t expect that.”

“No one did,” she mutters. 

Lisa looks at her and Jennie is still toying with the bag, rotating it between her fingers before she sighs and sets it to the side. 

“You made me so mad,” she breathed and sniffled quietly. In the dark, it was hard to see her face but maybe it was better that way. Hearing her was worse as it is. Seeing it, actually seeing her cry would kill her. 

“I came to you to tell you something that was scaring the shit out of me and it felt like you were judging me.” She pressed the heel of her hands against her eyes and Lisa shuffled across the room, hesitantly approaching her bed. 

“You’re my best friend,” she said and her voice cracked at the end. “I needed you and you spit on me.”

She started crying then, Lisa could hear her silently crying. Her shoulders shook and she tried to muffle it but inside her room, it felt like an echo chamber. Lisa felt her throat closing up like she couldn’t breathe and she wrung her hands in front of herself. She had done that. She had made Jennie cry. 

She blinked her own tears away because she didn’t deserve to cry. She was a shitty person and an even shittier friend. 

When she kneeled down on the ground, she grabbed a handful of the sheets in her hand and pressed her forehead into the bed. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled. “I’m sorry, Jennie. Please forgive me.”

She doesn’t realize that she’s actually being hit until she feels Jennie’s hands shoving at her arm repeatedly. She looks up and Jennie’s pushing at her but it’s kind of useless because Lisa is still in the same position but she understands that this is probably the only thing that will satisfy her.

“I hate you!” she says and Lisa jostles back before Jennie is shoving her again. 

“You’re such a dick!” she shoves her once more. 

“I want,” shove, “to hit you,” shove, “but I can’t,” shove. She finally sits back, her breath coming out quickly as she tries to calm down before she rubs at her cheeks again. 

As soon as she sniffles, Lisa climbs up on her bed and crawls over to her, wrapping her arms around her waist and pressing her face into her chest. She holds her as tight as she can and not a second goes by before she feels Jennie’s arms come around to hug her back.

 

“Why were you mad?” Jennie had whispered. 

She’s staring at Lisa, her eyes wide as she looks up from her place on the pillow. They’re under the sheets, laying face to face next to each other and Lisa is still wearing her tracksuit from swim practice. It’s incredibly hot but she doesn’t want to take it off. She’s only wearing a white beater and the Spongebob shorts that her uncle gave her as a joke last Christmas.

She licks her lips and tries to think of something to say because she can’t tell her why she was really mad. 

Yes, initially, she thought that it was stupid. She thought that it was careless of Jennie to get herself pregnant, especially in their junior year but underneath that was a searing stab of jealousy that was trying to claw its way out of her mouth. 

She was in love with her. She was mad that Jennie had slept with someone that wasn’t her. She was mad that someone got to kiss her that wasn’t Lisa. She was mad that someone saw everything that Lisa wanted to see and touch her in places that she could only dream of. She was mad that she had a baby and it would never belong to her. 

She hated herself.

“I didn’t even know you had a boyfriend,” she says instead. 

Jennie rolls her eyes and sticks her hand underneath her pillow. “I don’t.”

“Then who-”

“It’s Bobby’s,” she says quickly. “It was the night of the party. When you left, we sat outside and then he started kissing me and I just let him. He wanted to go inside but I wanted to look for you. After I didn’t find you we went upstairs and- you know…” she trails off. 

Lisa exhales through her nose and stares at Jennie until she looks down, her eyes latching on to the school’s emblem on the tracksuit. 

Of course.

 _Of course_ it would be Bobby’s. Who else would it belong to?

The universe really is playing some cruel joke on her. 

After not saying anything, Lisa licks her lips and nods. She doesn’t want to talk out of her ass anymore so she’s going to be quiet. If anything, she’s more disappointed in herself than in anyone else. She shouldn’t have let her teammates force her into watching Wonwoo play beer pong. If she hadn’t, none of this would probably be happening right now. 

“Did he force you?” she finds herself asking her.

“No,” she murmurs. “He didn’t, I promise.”

Jennie looks up at her and she believes her. She can see it in her eyes and it helps her at least somewhat. If he had forced her- wow, Lisa would have climbed out of this very window and walked all the way to his house and killed him. She doesn’t tell that to Jennie but she probably doesn’t have to. 

“Does he know? That it’s his, at least?”

“I called him and told him about it after I found out,” she whispered. “He’s scared. He doesn’t want me to tell his parents because he’s afraid they’ll send him back to America. He said he’ll be there if he needs my help or anything.”

Lisa had scoffed, it was hard not to. It was so typical of Bobby to get himself involved in something and then chicken out. He was such a dick!

“And I’m keeping it- the baby,” she added quietly. “I don’t know why yet. I just do.”

“I’ll be there too,” Lisa whispers. “I want you to do whatever makes you happy and if that means keeping it, then I’ll be there. If you want to have an abortion, then I’ll be there too. If you want to give it up for like adoption, then yeah, I’ll be there. I’ll be there,” she says and she means it.

Fuck, she means it. 

Jennie’s bottom lip wobbles as she looks at her, she looks so scared and Lisa can’t even begin to imagine what that must feel like. She can’t understand what is going through her head. She can’t understand what her mom must feel or what people will say when they see a pregnant high school kid. She can’t and yet Jennie is willing to go through that, to face the stares and the whispering and everything that comes with a pregnancy because she wants to. 

She’s not only the most beautiful girl on the entire planet but she’s also the bravest person Lisa has ever met in her life.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Lisa hates to admit it but one positive thing that came out of this is that Bobby stays far away from Jennie. 

Whenever they’re walking in the halls, Bobby completely avoids them, either by walking off in a different direction or by engaging in a conversation with his friends. He stops talking to Jennie at school, bothering her at her locker, and making sleazy jokes in the courtyard when they have lunch hour. They only talk over the phone or send each other updates about the baby. 

Around September, the fifth month of her pregnancy, Jennie tells Lisa that it’s better if Bobby isn’t in the baby’s life. 

They’re inside Lisa’s car as she’s parked outside of the school after a swim meet. Half of the parking lot has already cleared out and the opposing team is in the middle of boarding the bus to take them back to their campus. 

They came in second overall, with Lisa taking home 4 first place medals in four different categories and the rest of the events being either second or third place. Her parents had collected them from her after smothering her face in kisses and Lisa had been happy, she could still feel the excitement vibrating underneath her skin. But what she really wanted was to see Jennie.

She was always at her swim meets and she spotted her almost immediately after she took her goggles off and rubbed the water away from her eyes. She was in the third row with a blanket around her shoulders and that stupid t-shirt that she made over the summer with the words LISA’S #1 FAN spelled out on it. 

“I know he’s only doing it because he feels like he’s responsible for it.”

 _“He is,”_ Lisa points out and then shuts up when Jennie threatens to punch her. 

“It just feels awkward, like yeah, I know it’s his baby too but I don’t really care whether he wants to be in the kid’s life or not.”

“You don’t?”

“No,” she shakes her head and looks down to touch the top of her stomach. “As long as I have my mom and you then I’m okay,” she sighs. 

Lisa takes her hand off of the steering wheel and carefully grabs Jennie’s own hand. She doesn’t say anything when the older girl laces their fingers together but she feels like Jennie understands her. She feels like Jennie knows what she means when Lisa leans down and presses a kiss to her cheek. She feels like somehow this is going to change both of their lives.


	2. take your time

“I’m going to ask you something and I need you to be completely honest with me.”

Chaeyoung looks up from where she’s sitting on the curb, a lollipop between her lips and one perfectly arched eyebrow raising up to her hairline. 

It’s hot outside, nearly ninety degrees so that’s what Lisa attributes her sweaty palms to. She opens her mouth to say something after wiping her hands on the material of her jeans for the umpteenth time, but she closes it again when Chaeyoung snorts. 

“Can you just ask already? It’s probably not even that serious,” Chaeyoung rolls her eyes.

 _“Rude,”_ Lisa grumbles and nudges her shoulder as the other girl smirks.

“So then tell me, what is it? Are you constipated? I’ll ask my mom to make you that drink again, okay?”

“I’m not _constipated_!” Lisa hisses and feels her ears burn as she gathers the hem of her shirt in her hands and contemplates just getting up and walking home. 

“You sure?” Chaeyoung snorts. She scoots closer to Lisa and looks into her eyes, squinting at her until the younger girl shoves her back and she laughs loudly. 

“You kind of have that constipated look on your face, again.”

“I’m going home-” she says and makes a move to get up before fingers circle around her wrist and yank her back. 

“Wait!”

She falls back flat on her ass and she doesn’t even have time to cuss out Chaeyoung because an older woman is walking out of the convenience store behind them and gives both girls a quick glance. 

“I think you broke my ass!” she winces and shifts to the side to rub her tailbone. 

“You have no ass to break,” Chaeyoung says. 

“I really fucking hate you, you know that?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was that thing you were gonna ask me about before you freaked out?”

“I don’t think I should even tell you now.”

“Fine,” she says sighing loudly, “Then _I’ll_ go home. I have history homework to do anyway.” 

At first, Lisa doesn’t think that Chaeyoung is actually going to leave. Considering that she has a tendency to wait until the very last second to do her homework and since Lisa has that history class with her and knows that it’s not due for another week- she thinks Chaeyoung is bluffing. 

But she actually picks her backpack off the curb and slings it over her shoulder, moving to stand to her feet as Lisa freaks and flaps her arms helplessly with a weird noise coming out of her mouth. 

“Wait-!”

“Just- sorry, I’ll tell you! I’ll tell you, okay?”

Chaeyoung looks over her shoulder with narrowed eyes and Lisa has no choice but to resort back to her base instincts and hold out her pinky finger. 

“Pinky promise. I’ll tell you if you don’t leave.” And because Chaeyoung knows that Lisa is nothing but a woman of her word, she relents, dropping her bag on the ground and sitting back down with a heavy sigh. 

“Spit it out.”

“Okay,” she says but she doesn’t say what’s been on her mind- not automatically at least. She’s spent half of her high school life thinking about the correct way to phrase this and saying it to herself in the mirror- but now that she has to physically say it out loud to another person, it feels nerve-wracking. 

When it feels like Chaeyoung’s eyes are going to burn holes in the side of her skull, she pinches the bridge of her nose with her fingers and exhales loudly. 

“Do you think Jennie could like me? Like actually _like_ like me?”

It’s entirely quiet for one whole minute in what feels like more of an hour, but now that Lisa can roll those words around in her head it sounds pretty pathetic. Chaeyoung had long ago grown accustomed to the things that Lisa was comfortable enough to tell her about Jennie. She had spent her time watching the younger girl mourn over that summer Jennie died her hair blonde, the way she smelt after a shower when she had spent a night over at her house (which was _fucking weird!_ Chaeyoung had yelled), and scrolled through Instagram as Lisa told her about her _‘fat ass crush’_ on Jennie. 

Needless to say, Chaeyoung wasn’t exactly a stranger to this line of conversation, but what made it somewhat odd was the way Lisa hadn’t look at her when she said it. The way her voice had wobbled at the end. The nervous tick of her bottom lip as she chewed it between her teeth and the way she wrung her fingers together, in what could only be described as anxious. 

“It’s stupid, huh?” Lisa says suddenly. “I mean, I know that I haven’t exactly been subtle with my attraction towards her but it would be weird wouldn’t it? I mean we’ve known each other practically our entire lives. She probably thinks of me like a sister or something, right? I mean she practically had a --”

“Hold the fuck up for a second,” Chaeyoung frowns cutting her friend off with a hand. 

Lisa automatically shuts her mouth and glances a look at her friend as Chaeyoung stares down at the ground and kicks a pebble away with the front of her sneaker. When another person walks out of the store, the bell ringing above the door, only then does Chaeyoung finally look up. 

“Why did you say it like that?” 

“Say it like what?”

“You know,” she frowns. “Like on the off chance that she _did_ like you, that it would be unbelievable.”

“Because…” Lisa mumbles. _It is._

She wants to say that it would be. People like Jennie, girls like her, it was a miracle that they were even best friends because if they weren’t, Lisa knew they would have never talked to each other. There was no way Jennie would ever give her the time of the day but to think that she could possibly-maybe even potentially like her- that was a stretch that she was too nervous to entertain.

“I don’t even know if she likes girls,” she mutters. “Do you know how embarrassing that would be? If I told her how I felt and she just sits there burping her baby like _‘wow that’s nice but I don’t like girls, sorry_.’ I would look like a fucking idiot,” Lisa snorts. 

“How do you even know she doesn’t like girls?”

“How would I not know?” Lisa scowls. “When I came out to her in the ninth grade, she was shocked. Ever since I’ve never heard her say anything about anyone or exude anything that would remotely scream gay.”

“What would that even look like?” Chaeyoung snorted. 

“You know,” Lisa grumbled and did some weird motion with her hands that alluded to the point that she was trying to make but Chaeyoung just kept staring at her like she was an idiot, so she put her hands down. 

“You can’t just assume people are gay,” she said.

“Uh- newsflash dumbass, you can’t just assume people are straight either.”

“But she has a--”

“A what?” Chaeyoung raised her eyebrow. “A baby? Yeah, I think the stomach gave it away. Honestly, you’re one of the dumbest lesbians I’ve ever met in my life. People can be bi, it’s 2019. At least everyone is now.”

“You think Jennie’s bi?”

Chaeyoung groaned, running a hand down the side of her face before looking up at the sky and sighing. “That’s the thing you choose to fixate on.”

She crosses her ankles and leans forward to rest her elbows on her knees. As she’s slouched over, Lisa bites on her bottom lip and mulls over the idea that Jennie could be bi. Do people really give off signs like that? I mean, she did offhandedly say one time in gym class that Irene, the captain of the volleyball team had a pretty smile, but Irene _does_ have a pretty smile so that could have been a fluke.

Other than snide remarks or a teasing gesture at Lisa’s taste in girls, Jennie never really relayed her own thoughts about other females. All she talked about were guys at the mall, Korean celebrities from whatever drama she was watching, or Bobby- who was fortunately no longer a topic of discussion any more- but Lisa had just come to assume that she was straight. Her interest only lied in men, right?

Christ, she really was a dumb lesbian. 

“Look,” Chaeyoung says snapping her out of her thoughts. “You obviously know Jennie better than me. I don’t know what this girl’s like or whether she is or isn’t bi,” she shrugs. 

“But I _do_ know that some of the things that she does are a little questionable at least.”

Wait. What.

“Wait. What?”

Chaeyoung gave her a deadpan look before reaching over to the side to grab her backpack and loop her arms through the straps. “Walk with me, Lisa.” She stood on her feet and waited until the other girl got up as well before gesturing with her head to the convenience store. 

“Let’s talk about your non-existent love life over ramen, yeah?”

 

 

* * *

 

 

For some reason, it’s easier to talk to Chaeyoung within the confines of GS25. There are only two other people inside the store, an older woman looking through a rack of magazines on the wall and a guy who looks like a college student carrying two cases of beer up to the register. As the sun sets, the lingering haze of the sun shines through the large windows that face out onto the street. The fluorescent lights above the tables cast shadows over the table as Chaeyoung breaks apart her chopsticks and begins to stirring her noodles. 

Lisa reaches for the pack of shredded cheese and rips it open before pouring it over the top of her own noodles. The heat wafts up to her face, warming her skin and causing her to lick her lips as she watches the cheese melt into the kimchi broth. 

“She looks at you a lot,” Chaeyoung murmurs, peeling back the top of the container of rice and scooping some on a spoon. 

“What?”

“Jennie,” she rolls her eyes. “Sometimes when you’re not paying attention, like that day when we had to dissect those squirrels and you were pulling out the heart. She kept staring at you until she caught me looking and she turned so red. It was actually pretty funny.”

Lisa lifts some of the noodles up with her chopsticks and blows on it briefly before shoving it in her mouth and chewing slowly. 

“Why are you telling me this now?”

“Why not?” she shrugs. “I mean you act like loving you would be such a difficult thing to do.” 

Chaeyoung dips a spoonful of rice in the broth and slurps noisily before putting it in her mouth. “It really isn’t.”

Her eyes flicker up to Lisa and the younger girl stares back at her before ducking her head and poking at her noodles. 

“That’s easy for you to say,” Lisa whispers and it’s true. 

Jennie doesn’t have the same relationship that Chaeyoung has with her. Jennie and her have history, they have memories- some good and some bad- but memories nonetheless. Jennie had defended her when they were kids, she had seen her cry, watched her awkwardly grow through puberty and stumble through her attraction to girls. Jennie had seen her before she joined the swim team, she had seen her body under the showers in gym class, and seen her embarrassingly arrange her underwear by color and then by the brand in the seventh grade. 

Chaeyoung didn’t know these things about her. Chaeyoung wasn’t aware of how big of a dork she could be in the confines of her own room or when she was away from school. She didn’t, so it was easy for her to make assumptions that Jennie could have even a little bit of an attraction towards her; she was basing that off of her limited exposure to Lisa. 

“Like I said,” she shrugged. “ _Obviously_ , I don’t know her as well as you do but I mean, can it really be that far fetched to assume that she has a crush on you too? You’re cute,” she says. 

Lisa is shoving noodles halfway into her mouth when Chaeyoung says that, so she chokes, some of the noodles landing on the table as she violently inhales a piece of sausage and starts hitting her chest so she doesn’t die. 

“Fuck!”

Chaeyoung at least has the decency to look embarrassed before she tossing her some napkins and subtly pushing her chair away from Lisa. 

“Remind me to never compliment you again.”

Lisa waves her off, wiping her eyes with the napkin and cleaning up the noodles on the table before she takes a swig from her water bottle and frowns at her. 

“It’s not that.”

“You sure? Because I thought I was gonna have to perform the heimlich on you.”

“Shut the fuck up,” she coughs and takes another sip from her water bottle before setting her chopsticks down. 

“Or,” she said ignoring Lisa’s last comment. “You can just tell her how you feel and skip all of this existential crisis thing you got going on. No harm in that.”

“I shouldn’t have asked you for advice at all.”

“Oh come onnn-” Chaeyoung whined. “At least she’ll know how you feel about her without this whole chicken race thing going on between you two. Also-” she smiles. “What if she likes you too? Then you guys can finally stop being stupid and like, oh I don’t know, _date_!” she says gesturing wildly with her hands.

“Yeah, okay, eHarmony. But what happens if she doesn’t like me back? Now I have to live with that hanging over my head and us being awkward for the rest of our lives because I told my best friend I was in love with her and she didn’t feel the same way.”

“Now you’re just being pessimistic,” Chaeyoung frowned. “For one, you’re looking at the worst case scenario. You even said so yourself, she’s your best friend. I’m sure if you got your feelings off your chest after all this time, she would be careful with them- like you’re always so careful with her.”

Lisa opened her mouth to object to that but stopped when the other girl held up her hand. “Yeah, yeah, you’re so careful with her because she’s pregnant, _yadda, yadda, yadda_ ,” she rolled her eyes. “But even before that, you’re always worried about saying the wrong thing around her. You always bring your headphones to history class so she can listen to music so she won’t have to listen to Ms. Kim, and whenever we sit down at lunch you always make sure Jennie sits inside so no one bumps into her.”

Lisa gapes, balling her napkin in her fist as she stares at the other girl. “How do you even know all of that?”

Chaeyoung smirks, her brown eyes twinkling with amusement before she taps her temple. “I’m very observant.”

“But the point of that spiel is that the way you treat her seems like something she would reciprocate for you. Tell her how you feel and I’m sure she’s not gonna throw it back in your face or ignore you for thirty years because you happen to like her. If she doesn’t like you, then she doesn’t like you. You go back to being friends and this conversation never happened. But if she _does_ then lucky for you. Now you can date and help her raise her baby like the sap you are,” she giggles. 

Lisa shoves her playfully and tries to smile when she pushes her bowl of ramen back in front of her but it’s not that easy. It’s never that easy. It’s one thing to feel so strongly for someone that you would do anything for them. To have them smile at you and laugh at a joke that you make or lace their fingers between your own and know that it means more than something platonic. For years, Lisa got to have that with Jennie and that’s why it’s a problem. She’s greedy and this dancing around her own feelings that she’s been doing is frustrating. It was easy to keep them at bay and let them simmer underneath the surface but it was becoming harder as time went on. She didn’t want to be Jennie’s friend anymore. She wanted to be her girlfriend. She wanted to kiss her on the mouth and thread her fingers through her long hair and hold her hand and take her out on dates and walk her back to her front door when it was over. She wanted to give her varsity swim jacket to Jennie and watch her walk around the school with her last name etched across her back. She wanted to look at Jennie and tell her how much she loved her because she did and she would forever because this was well- this was it for her. 

Yes, she was only seventeen and yes, they were only in the eleventh grade. But Lisa had a hard time believing that she would ever feel this strongly about anyone else but Jennie. When she had dated Rachel in the tenth grade for four weeks, she didn’t even tell her that she loved her. Not even once. When the other girl had texted it to her before class and right after she would get out of the shower before bed, she had only said _‘okay’_ and attached it with a smiley face. 

When they kissed, it felt good but it didn’t feel like how she always made it out to be in her head. Unintentionally, she found herself comparing it to Jennie even though she had absolutely no experience. She thought if Jennie would run her tongue along the bottom of her lip if they kissed, if Jennie would tug on her pinky finger to get her attention or if she would wrap her arms around Lisa’s waist the same way Rachel did. 

Chaeyoung made it sound so easy to confess years of pent up emotion to Jennie and let her know how she felt but it wasn’t. If she told Jennie how she felt, no matter how much they tried to placate each other, things would never be the same. 

If anything, that’s what scared her the most. Not only would she lose her best friend but she would break her heart completely by her own doing. And that right there, that was something that Lisa wasn’t sure she was entirely prepared for.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Lisa looks up from her government book, glancing out of the corner of her eye to Jennie, who was seated two desks away from her. They’re in the middle of an exam and realistically speaking, she should probably keep her head down because Ms. Molina is known to accuse anyone of cheating if they even breathe in the wrong direction (Lisa has felt her wrath more than once), but she really can’t help it. 

Three days ago, Lisa had accompanied Jennie and her mom to the clinic, the same one that Lisa had to have her leg placed in a cast just a year and a half ago when she fell down a flight of stairs at her cousin’s house. That’s a long story that she doesn’t want to get into but ANYWAY, it was a weird mix of deja-vu, anxiety, and elation when she sat down in the waiting room with both Kims. 

There were still posters tacked to the wall reminding patients about flu season and recommending them to ask their physician about getting a flu shot. Pamphlets that were stacked one behind the other on a shelf with different ways to deal with individuals expressing suicidal tendencies, an informational on domestic violence, a potty-training step-by-step guide, and a map of local centers that provided resources and services for single and/or low-income families. 

In the middle of the waiting room, there was a table full of colorful blocks, picture books stacked on the side, almost falling over and a small green box pushed underneath the table full of toy cars, trains, and stuffed animals to play with. 

Jennie’s mom was looking through a magazine, one of the many spread out on the small table beside the chairs when a little girl, probably no more than two, waddled over to the table full of toys. She’s clumsy, almost falling onto the floor, before she grabs a hold of the table and smiles, her cheeks bunching up with the effort as she plopped down with a loud sigh.

“She’s cute,” Lisa had murmured underneath her breath. Her pigtails were slightly crooked, with some of her hair falling out of the scrunchie, but she was dressed in pink overalls with Dumbo on the front and sneakers that lit up every time she hit her feet against the ground. 

“Sooyoon-ah!” someone says and both Jennie and Lisa had looked up, watching as a man quickly walked over and scooped her up in his arms, the little girl letting out a high pitched squeal and kicking her legs when the man sighed before laughing. 

“Come on, it’s our turn to see the doctor,” he said.

When Lisa had watched them walk away, Jennie had laced her hands on top of her stomach and sighed out loud, rolling her head until she stared at Lisa, waiting for the other girl to notice her before she smiled, albeit a small one. 

“That’ll be me someday,” she had said quietly. 

“Miss Manoban!”

Lisa jumped, her knee smacking underneath the table loudly as everyone turned their heads to look at her and Lisa should have been embarrassed but she was too busy biting her lip so she wouldn’t cry because her knee was fucking THROBBING. 

“What did I say about looking at other people’s papers?!”

“But I wasn’t-” she tried to get out but Ms. Molina was already standing up behind her desk and pointing at the door. 

“Hallway. NOW.”

“But-!”

“NOW!”

Lisa sighs loudly, the legs of her chair screeching against the floor when she pushes herself back and gathers her things in her hands. She only glances a look over her shoulder at Jennie, seeing the girl stare at her wide-eyed before she leaves the classroom, shutting the door behind herself quietly. 

She manages to finish her test as she sits back against the lockers on the floor. Although, she had randomly answered the last three questions and was just hoping for the best at that point. When the bell rang, the door flew open as students rushed out from different classrooms and started to trickle into the hallway. 

Lisa sighed, pushing herself up on her feet and waited until she was able to squeeze herself through, so she could turn her test into the tray. 

Ms. Molina was glaring at her but Lisa could care less about anything that she had to say. When she turned back around to leave the classroom, Jennie was waiting for her by the door and her face was red as if she was having trouble keeping herself from laughing. 

“I hate you!” Lisa hissed. 

The older girl grabbed her arm, latching onto her elbow as they made their way to the cafeteria. Lisa wasn’t really hungry considering she had a feeling that she had failed that test and her mom had told her one more F and she was going to take her Playstation away, so she honestly wanted to get hit by a truck right now, preferably on the way home so she could just avoid her at all costs. 

“Why were you even looking at Soohyun’s paper?” Jennie snickered. 

“I wasn’t!” 

“Okaaay...” she said. “Sure you weren’t.”

“I’m telling you the truth!” Lisa frowned. She opened her mouth to say something else, to tell her that in actuality, she was staring at her and thinking about that day at the clinic.

She wanted to tell Jennie that she couldn’t get that look out of her head when they heard the baby’s heartbeat for the first time. She wanted to tell her that the copy of the sonogram that she had given her was in the bottom of her shoe because she didn’t want to lose it- ever. She wanted to tell her so much but she couldn’t- she just couldn’t get the words out of her damn mouth. 

“You didn’t see my text?” Jennie asks. 

“What text?”

They both round the corner and Lisa slows down so Jennie can grab the rail as they take the stairs down to the first floor. 

“My text...with the answers…” she says slowly. 

Lisa’s foot freezes in mid-air, her jaw falling open as she hurriedly fumbles her phone out of her back pocket and bites her lip when she sees a chain of messages from Jennie with letters attached. 

“FUCK!” she shouts. 

A few students pause as they’re walking up the stairs, glaring at her and some quickly walking past her but Lisa doesn’t give a shit. She opens her text messages and frowns, her heart dropping in her stomach when she sees all the answers that Jennie had sent. For. Every. Single. Question. 

“Please punch me in the face right now. Do it right now,” she tells Jennie. 

“I can’t believe how stupid you are,” Jennie snorts and to Lisa’s chagrin, she starts laughing! Like a full open mouth laugh, the kind of laugh that she does that makes her cheeks bunch up and her eyes fold into crescents. The kind that causes her to cover her mouth with a hand. The kind that Lisa could look at for days. 

But right now, oh no. 

Oh God, no. 

She just can’t. She feels too sick to her stomach to openly stare at the other girl. Not when she completely missed a thread of messages that would have given her an A on the test. 

“I can’t believe-” she wheezed. “That you didn’t see it,” she giggled. 

“I HAD MY PHONE ON SILENT!”

She honestly felt like crying. The water that was welling up in her eyes was threatening to come out, she could feel it in her soul. The need to just burst into tears right on the stairwell. She would do it too, she was really thinking about doing it. Like her vision was already becoming blurry the longer she stared at the screen and saw each of the messages, but now that she thought about that last page of answers she had haphazardly chosen, she _really_ wanted to just drop to her knees and wail. 

“I’ll talk to Ms. Molina for you,” Jennie said tugging on her hand. 

“What?” she didn’t want to look away from the screen but she also didn’t understand how that was going to change anything. 

“She likes me,” Jennie shrugs. “If I tell her that you went with me yesterday to find out the sex of my baby, she’ll understand. I’ll just tell her that you’re tired. She might even let you take it again.”

“But that was three days ago, not last night,” Lisa mumbled. 

“So? She doesn’t know that.”

“She also thought that I was cheating on that test, that’s why she sent me out here.”

“As I said, _I’ll_ talk to her,” she stressed again. “She really does like me, you know.”

Lisa still had her reservations but she couldn’t necessarily argue with that either. Jennie is close to Ms. Molina. Before class, she was always hanging around her desk either talking about the mathlete club or discussing some article by this famous mathematician that always bored Lisa. 

She didn’t get it. Not really, at least- that you could be so close with a teacher and actually enjoy talking to them outside of the classroom but then again she never understood Jennie either. 

“I just don’t want my mom to take away my PlayStation,” Lisa frowned. 

“She won’t,” Jennie snorts and tugs on her hand so both of the girls can continue down the stairs.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Are you on Tinder?” Jennie snorts, knocking her shoulder against Lisa’s as she settles down on the couch. 

They’re supposed to be watching The Conjuring, at least Jennie had wanted to watch it and Lisa really didn’t want to start on her Chemistry project, so she agreed to it. But about fifteen minutes into the movie, Jennie had paused it to make popcorn, get drinks, and kept stopping it just before the jump scares that Lisa had mentally prepared herself for to use the bathroom- repeatedly. 

“NO,” she grumbles and tries to tuck her phone into her chest, unsuccessfully. 

Jennie reached for the device, snatching it out of her hand and Lisa yelled when she held it over her head and twisted around to keep it out of the younger girl’s reach. 

“That sure looks like Tinder to me,” she laughed. 

Lisa jabbed her in the side with her fingers, the older girl letting out a high-pitched squeak before Lisa watched in horror as she dropped her iPhone into the ceramic bowl of popcorn.

“Yah!”

“Oh my god!”

Lisa dunked her hand into the bowl, scrambling to grab it out, and frowning hard when she pulled it out and saw the screen covered in seasoning and butter. 

“I hate you,” she muttered. 

Jennie made a noise in the back of her throat but she at least had the decency to grab a few napkins off the coffee table and help wipe the grease off of Lisa’s screen. 

“Sorry,” she murmured. 

She said it so quietly like she was afraid Lisa would be mad at her. Like the younger girl was going to get up and leave and walk all the way home. It almost sounded like she believed her when Lisa said she hated her. 

She didn’t though and Jennie potentially believing that made her stomach feel weird. She didn’t like feeling that way. 

“M’not mad,” she muttered. “And I don’t hate you, obviously” she added.

“I didn’t mean to drop it.”

“I know,” Lisa said and she watched as the older girl balled up the napkins before tossing it back on the table. 

When she took the younger girl’s hand, Lisa almost wanted to pull it away but that would have been weird. It seemed too intimate to hold her hand the way she did, not that she really had anything to compare it to, but it still felt intimate enough to her. It was probably the way that Jennie held her palm like she was afraid to hold it. Or it could have been the way she ran the napkins over her fingers to get the grease off. It felt like she was scrubbing something away other than the butter that was between her fingers. 

“I wasn’t on Tinder,” she said pulling her hand away after a long minute. 

She didn’t really know why, but she needed Jennie to know that. 

“Chaeyoung wants me to message this guy and make sure he’s not messing around.”

“Isn’t Chaeyoung talking to like three different guys?”

Lisa can’t help it- she laughs out loud and she does it again just because it makes Jennie chuckle and as she pulls herself closer, she doesn’t say a thing when the older girl threads their fingers together. 

“Yeah, but like she says it’s different because she only flirts with them because they’re always sending her shit. This guy, “ Lisa says unlocking her phone, “she’s gone on like two dates with so it’s serious,” she snorts. 

“I think he’s like 18, though.”

“Wow. There’s a lot to unpack here but I think what I’m most surprised about is the fact that he’s around our age,” she nods. 

“Don’t even go there. I really don’t want to delve into her habit of talking to older men and her cam girl tendencies. She’s too much.”

Jennie was quiet for a second before poking Lisa on her thigh. “Have you ever watched one of her shows?”

 _“What?!”_ Lisa choked. “No, I haven’t! I’m trying to preserve some semblance of sanity between the two of us!”

Jennie had burst out laughing, bringing a hand up to cover her mouth as she almost tipped over on the couch before Lisa grabbed the back of her sweatshirt. 

“Why would you even ask me that?” she grumbled. 

Yes, okay, she had briefly considered it ONCE. Like maybe just pulling up the website link that Chaeyoung had sent to her a few months ago just to check it out. And maybe at one point, yes she did open up the link but she was so scared that she closed the tab before it had a chance to load completely. 

Chaeyoung has been her friend since freshman year. She’s slept over her house like once and can’t get the image of those stuffed animals above her bed out of her head. She’s seen her struggle to eat with braces and outscore her on DDR. She can’t just picture her taking off her shirt or dancing in front of the camera. No matter how beautiful she is, she might not be able to look her in the eye anymore if she sees Chaeyoung naked. She might do something stupid like bookmark the site and watch it and just never tell Jennie she’s in love with her and die all alone. 

“...sa. Lisa?” Jennie says waving her hand in her face. 

“You zoning out on me now?”

“No,” she coughed and shoved her friend lightly when she chuckled. “Let’s just not talk about that.”

“Okay,” she hummed but she was smiling when she said it so Lisa knew this wouldn’t necessarily be the end of this conversation. 

“I’m just surprised that my phone is still functional after everything you put it through.”

“You’re so dramatic,” she rolls her eyes. “I take back my apology.”

“You take back your apology and I take back my company.”

“I’m your only friend. You’re not _my_ only friend.”

“Um- ouch,” Lisa frowns. “I literally- like I swear to God that I felt that in my fucking bones. Rude. much?”

“Ugly, much?” Jennie cackled, sticking her tongue out at her.

She grumbled something underneath her breath about Jennie only being hot because her mom was hot, NOT THAT SHE WOULD EVER SAY THAT ALOUD, but her point still stands. Jennie was naturally gorgeous because her mom had passed down the right genes and now Lisa was forced to suffer through this because she didn’t know how to actually voice any of this without making things weird. 

God, she needed different friends. 

Preferably someone that wasn’t Jennie so she could tell someone all of this. 

She opened up the app and swiped through a few profiles before stopping at one. His name was Park Hyunsoo and on his profile, he had a picture of himself in a UCLA sweatshirt in front of what looked like a restaurant. 

“His profile says that he lives six miles away from here. I think he could be the guy that always walks his dog by the park,” Jennie said. 

“Well, it does say that he loves dogs in his profile.” It also said that he was in his first year studying film, liked playing video games, enjoyed eating pizza, and was always down to have a Netflix marathon with beer and fried chicken. 

“No offense, but I can’t believe Chaeyoung is seeing someone like this.”

“Why do you say it like that?” Lisa snorted. 

“I don’t know. I guess- I don’t know he seems so _normal_.” 

“Um…I’m gonna tell her that you said that but yeah I get what you’re saying.”

In a sense, yeah he was. He was a regular university student which was kind of a far cry away from guys that Chaeyoung was usually talking to. So she had to give her credit where credit was due. 

“Here, you say something. You’re way better at this than me. I’m gonna get something to drink.”

“Kay.” 

She passed the phone to Jennie and got up from the couch, grabbing both of their glasses before making her way into the kitchen. Jennie was always drinking, which was understandable, given that her mom said it was normal to be thirsty a lot. So she opened the fridge and grabbed down a jug of orange juice and emptied it inside of her cup. She took out two ginger ales from the freezer and slammed the door shut with her foot as she left. 

When she came back into the living room, Jennie had one of the couch cushions in her lap and she was rewinding the movie back to the beginning, something that made Lisa laugh as she took her spot beside her. 

“I won’t even pause it if you have to go to the bathroom again. So hold it.”

“Fuck you,”

“Language,” Lisa frowned, poking Jennie’s stomach with her finger. “Remember, he can like hear everything we say.” 

“So he’ll have a potty mouth just like me?” she chuckled. 

“Your mom would pull her own hair out, then she would pull your hair out.” 

Jennie smiled and handed her phone back as Lisa passed her the glass of orange juice. “If you don’t pause it, I’ll just rewind it again.” 

“I’ll go home.” 

“Then go,” she shrugged. “You’re using _my_ Netflix account.”

Lisa tongued the inside of her cheek, staring back at her as Jennie arched her eyebrow, almost challenging her to get up and leave. Granted, she could be petty and actually go home and watch this movie by herself but she hates doing that and Jennie knows that. 

“What’d you write?” she asks, changing the subject. 

Jennie shook her head with a smug smile and motioned to the phone with her chin. “All I said was ‘hey,’ so he might not respond. This is so weird by the way and no- I won’t respond if he replies back to me” she says, glaring at the younger girl when she opens her mouth. 

“You do it.”

“Fine,” she grumbles and reaches for the remote to press play again on the movie. 

During the scene where the woman is looking at the bruises on her skin in the mirror, Lisa feels Jennie press her thigh up against her own and her fingers slot themselves in between her own. Her palm is hot to the touch and Lisa tries not to tense up, her eyes briefly flickering to her side as she takes a deep breath and squeezes her hand. 

“Is this okay?” she hears Jennie whisper. 

It’s silly, really, they’re the only two in the living room and the movie isn’t even turned up that loud. Lisa swallows loudly anyway and feels herself nodding before she whispers back, “yeah, it’s cool.”

Jennie relaxes against her side and Lisa tries not to think about what Chaeyoung told her at the convenience store.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Dude, my mom saw her and her mother at the Asian grocery store across the street from the movie theater. She said she doesn’t know how her mother isn’t embarrassed to be out with her.” 

Lisa is sitting on the bench in the girls' locker room, drying her hair with one of the towels when she overheard the conversation. The swim practice had ended almost thirty minutes ago and although she would usually book it home to take a shower at her house, she was too tired to head home and drive all the way back to campus for tutoring. 

“Just ignore it,” she muttered to herself. 

Jennie had told her one time over the phone that she had overheard people talking about her in the cafeteria and that it didn’t really bother her. At seven months, she was showing a great deal and had to wear a different uniform from the school dress code that would fit her and be comfortable at the same time. Add that on to the waddling in between classes and some of the kids that were nice enough to fawn over her belly and help her if she needed it- it was only natural that there would people that just couldn’t get over the fact that she had gotten knocked up during their junior year.

“People are gonna talk, but I don’t care. It is what it is,” she said and it sounded like she had shrugged when she said that. 

“I care,” Lisa had mumbled. 

“You care too much,” Jennie said and it had sounded like she was smiling. 

_‘Tell me about it,’_ she thought to herself. 

So apparently, it was normal for people to talk about Jennie behind her back. This was high school and teenagers sucked. But not only did they suck but they were also incredibly judgemental. 

At first, it had angered Lisa that Jennie could be so nonchalant about it, that she didn’t tell her anything about the things she had heard some girls whisper or brought it to the attention of someone, maybe an adult. But then again what good what any of that do? People would still talk and people would still stare and at the end of the day, there was nothing either of them could do about it. 

That’s what upset Lisa the most, that she couldn’t do anything about it. That Jennie had to go through that just because she slept with someone. That she had to deal with what came with being pregnant and no one else did. 

Bobby sure didn’t. 

“You mean that Jennie girl?” the question snapped her out of her thoughts and she laid her towel down when she heard the other person snort. 

“Yeah, her. She’s as big as a fucking whale. How can she even walk around school like that?”

“Girl’s gotta get a diploma. Lord knows she won’t make it to college.”

Both of the girls laughed at that and Lisa grit her teeth, standing up suddenly and shoving her things into her gym bag so loudly that it would be almost impossible to not hear her. The girls continued to snicker to themselves and as Lisa shoved her arms through her jacket and yanked her bag over her head, she heard one of the girls say something else. 

“Imagine being stupid enough to get pregnant your junior year.”

“Makes you feel for the kid, huh? Mommy couldn’t keep her legs closed for anything. I wonder who the dad is, she looks like she sleeps around--”

“Hey!”

Both of the girls startled, immediately jumping to their feet when Lisa slammed her hand against the wall of lockers. She recognized them though, unsurprisingly. Raewon, the shorter of the two, and Yujin, the taller one, were both sophomore members of the swim team. Yujin actually looked sick when she saw Lisa and hesitantly grabbed her bag to put around her shoulder. 

“L-L-Lisa-”

“We didn’t mean-”

Yujin tugged harshly on Raewon’s sleeve and shook her head quickly as she tried to communicate with her eyes that she shouldn’t say anything.

“We- we were just leaving,” she stuttered and bowed her head stiffly as she tried to pull Raewon along with her. 

“We have-”

“Save it!” Lisa shouted. 

Both girls flinched and Raewon actually stepped back, almost trying to push herself behind Yujin. Lisa took a deep breath and curled her hands into a fist, willing her anger away so she didn’t do anything stupid. 

“If I catch you talking about Jennie like that again, you’re off the team. Got it?”

“But we-!”

“OFF. THE. TEAM!”

Lisa’s tone made this the end of the conversation and both girls knew that as they quietly gathered the rest of their things and shuffled out of the locker room. When she was sure that no one else was there, she slammed her fist into the locker and screamed.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Your bed is too small,” Jennie whines as she attempts to pull the blankets back over her head.

Her elbow keeps poking Lisa in the stomach and she would shove her off if it wasn’t for the fact that her bed _is_ small and shoving her could probably cause a miscarriage- she doesn’t really know but that seems medically possible. 

It’s hot though- at least for her- what with the mound of blankets that Jennie had piled on top of them and wrapped herself in. She would kick the blankets off too if it wasn’t for the fact that their legs are tangled together and even with Jennie’s bony elbow digging into her stomach and the sweat that’s starting to cling to the neckline of her shirt- it’s weirdly comfortable and Jennie smells like coconut and oranges, so she’s _definitely_ not gonna leave this position. 

“Sorry,” she mumbles anyway, “but you were the one that suggested we sleep at my house.”

Since they were little, weekly sleepovers had become a sort of a thing between them. They had reenacted scenes from Teen Titans in the living room while Lisa’s dad recorded them, plucked their eyebrows for the first time in the dirty bathroom mirror, ate whipped cream out of the canister at 2 AM and spent hours talking to each other until the sun came up and spilled through the blinds. 

Even now, with Jennie being eight months pregnant and nearly gagging at the smell of the Listerine as Lisa uncapped it in the bathroom, they were still squeezing onto Lisa’s bed and leaving the closet door open with the light on. 

“Pancakes,” Jennie said suddenly and yawned quietly before adjusting her head on the pillow. “Your dad said he would make blueberry pancakes for breakfast.”

“Nice to know you’re only here for the food,” Lisa snorted. 

Jennie hummed and shifted once again, her back pressing firmly against Lisa’s chest as she took her hand and threaded their fingers together on the side of her stomach. It was still slightly weird to know that there was actually something in there- like a human- who could hear and move and would be apart of the world soon. Nevertheless, she kept her fingers in place and smiled into the pillow when she felt a small thump against her hand. 

“He’s awake,” Lisa whispered. 

Jennie lets her hand go to rub across her stomach and makes a quiet sound before sighing and tucking her hand underneath the pillow. When it doesn’t seem like she’s going to bring her hand back, Lisa hesitantly pulls away and awkwardly moves her hand to lay against her side. 

For a long moment, Lisa thinks that she’s fallen asleep. Her breaths are slow and even and she watches her back move with the sound until Jennie finally whispers, “he better not be.”

Lisa chuckles and just when she’s about to close her eyes, she sees Jennie lift her hand up in the dark and fumble around in the sheets before she grabs her arm and starts tugging on it until she grabs her hand and sets it back on her stomach. 

“S’feels nice,” she says. “Leave it.”

“Okay,” Lisa says swallowing. 

She’s thankful for the fact that Jennie can’t see her from behind and that it’s completely pitch black because her cheeks feel like they’re about to catch on fire.

_I like you._

She could say it now just like that. She could whisper it into the air and wait for her to respond or probably not. The unanticipated consequences of her words are what ultimately keep her at bay. Do friends still lie with each other like this after they’ve confessed? Do friends even still sleepover if they know the other has feelings for them? Probably not. Especially if those feelings aren’t reciprocated.

Fuck. Why is this so complicated?

_Why couldn’t I have been born with a dick? Maybe that would make things easier. Maybe she would find it easier to like me- maybe even be with me- if I had one. I don’t know._

Lisa attempts to shake those thoughts out of her head because they usually don’t get her anywhere. Dick or no dick, Jennie probably still wouldn’t feel the same thing that she does for her. It sucks to think about it that way but she’s always been a pessimist and there’s no way in hell this girl asleep beside her is even remotely romantically interested in girls- let alone one girl- her. 

She has to stop this, preferably before Jennie has her baby. She’s not gonna have time to deal with feelings or Lisa or any of Lisa’s crap for that matter. She’s gonna have to take care of a whole other human being, someone who is going to need all of her attention and time. 

_It would be best to just let these feelings go away_ , she thinks to herself. 

Just stop. Stop thinking about her. Stop imagining yourself with her. Stop fawning over her smile. Stop picturing your first date together. Let it go.

LET. HER. GO. 

Saying it to herself in her head is so much easier when she doesn’t have to physically say it out loud. As she stares at the back of her head, she imagines how she could ever even consciously do something like that. To not love Jennie anymore. It seems impossible but it’s not, it’s just her head manipulating her and shit. 

But then...Lisa’s never really occupied a space where she hasn’t loved Jennie. It seems scary to do something like that- to just push down years of feelings and memories and moments in order to move away- or move on essentially. 

Jennie was the first girl she wanted to kiss when she found out she liked girls. Jennie was the first girl that held her hand (moms don’t count!) and it felt like something she wanted to keep doing. Jennie was the first girl that she wanted to impress. She was the first girl whose smile made her stomach feel funny and her heart feel twitchy. Jennie has every single one of her firsts without even knowing it. 

It seems ludicrous to even think that because _it is_ ludicrous. As if she could ever look at another girl the way she looks at Jennie. As if she could talk to someone as easily as it is now. As if she could know nearly everything about a single person and yet still want to find out more about them. 

She can’t. That’s what the hardest thing. When you’re in love with someone it’s not that easy to just pack up your emotions and move on to the next thing. It’s not that easy to forget and hope that those same emotions that you once had, happen for someone else. 

Lisa hates it when she thinks about things like this at the most inconvenient time. She hates that she can’t tell anyone this because the only person that deserves to know how she feels is someone she can’t even have. 

Stupid fucking heart. Stupid fucking feelings. Stupid everything. 

“I can hear you thinking in REM sleep.”

Lisa yelps, almost falling off the side of her bed with how fast she shifts back. She starts coughing and hits her chest as all of the blood rushes to her head and she feels like she might actually throw up. Right on this bed. In her favorite Sailor Moon pajamas. Fucking idiot. 

“I thought you were asleep!” she wheezes and attempts to get her heart rate back down to normal. 

Deep breaths. In and out. Inhale and exhale. 

“I was,” Jennie says and turns sideways until she’s lying on her side so she can face Lisa, “Until you started moving around. Then I just laid there until I thought you were gonna say something eventually.”

 _Like hell I would_ , she thought.

“I was just…” she sighs and finds it hard to think of a lie when Jennie is literally staring back at her in the dark. “I was just... thinking of what I’m gonna write for our history report. It’s due next week.”

Jennie rolls her eyes and moves closer until her belly was pressed up against Lisa’s own. “You know you’re a really bad liar, right?”

“So I’ve been told,” she grumbled and she tried not to flinch when Jennie brought her hand to her face and began to smooth her thumb over her eyebrow. 

“Tell me.”

“T-Tell you what?” 

“What you were really thinking about, idiot.”

The comforting glide of her finger was making Lisa drowsy but she blinked herself awake as she tried to focus on anything but telling her what she was actually thinking. Jennie would probably get up and walk all the way back to her house if Lisa told her she was in love with her. 

When her thumb stopped its movement, Jennie sighed and pulled her hand back before putting it on the top of her stomach. 

“You never tell me things anymore,” and even if Lisa couldn’t completely see her face, she could hear the pout in her voice. 

“I tell you everything.” Lie. What a liar. God. 

“Sometimes,” Jennie murmured and she closed her eyes before opening them up again. “And sometimes you keep it to yourself.”

Lisa licked her lips and stared at the crisscrossed pattern on her sheets. Leave it to Jennie to say something like that. 

“What if I had to keep it to myself?”

“Why do you have to?” she whispered. Even though her belly was in the way, she could feel Jennie’s breath fan across her face and the cinnamon toothpaste that she had used the last of before they shuffled into bed. 

Lisa wanted to turn over on her back or maybe sleep on the floor just so she could get away from Jennie and her stare and her questions because she knew. She knew that if Jennie pressed that she would cave and if she caved, this would be the end of their friendship. She knew it. 

“Because-” she said and lifted her shoulders up in what she hoped resembled a shrug. “It might- it might make you uncomfortable.”

Jennie was quiet for a long time and in the silence that hung over them, Lisa wondered if she could hear her heart pounding against her chest. She wondered if she could see the sweat that was clinging to her hairline or the fear in her own eyes. She wondered if Jennie could know all of that since she knew her so well. 

“There’s nothing that you could ever do that would make me uncomfortable, Lisa.”

She said it like she meant it. Like Lisa didn’t have years of feelings buried deep inside of her. Like Lisa didn’t have this pounding at the back of her eyelids that hurt when she thought of not ever being with Jennie. Like Lisa wouldn’t destroy their friendship if she ever told her how she really felt. 

“Are you sure?”

Jennie took a hold of her hand and gently placed it back on her stomach, her hand a comforting weight as she placed it on top of Lisa’s.

“I’m sure.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Shit, I forgot how much you like to cheat,” Lisa mutters. 

Jennie laughs loudly, her eyes unmoving from the screen as she twists her body to mirror Toad as she drifts into the next lane. They’re racing at the Mario Kart Stadium and Jennie, who’s been steadily holding onto first place, dips briefly when Princess Peach throws a tortoiseshell at her kart and flies past her. 

“I’m not cheating,” she grumbles and Lisa whoops when she passes Bowser up on their last lap and sees her rank change to third place. 

“You just suck at this.”

“I do not!-” and before she can finish her sentence, Koopa Troopa catches up to her and uses the horn to throw Lisa off the track. 

She yelps and Jennie cackles as she sits forward and reclaims the first place spot when she takes the ramp and hits each one of the boost pads. 

“This is so unfair!” She hits one of the mystery boxes but only manages to get a coin and she frowns even harder when she rounds the corner and finds that Ludwig passed her up, putting her in seventh place. 

She glances over at Jennie’s screen and whines loudly when she passes the finish line and WINNER is plastered in big gold letters across the screen. 

“Ha!” she smiles widely and Lisa really wants to be mad, but she looks so happy that she won and her eyes are really bright- fuck!

“I can’t stand playing with you,” Lisa mutters and rolls her eyes as Jennie chooses a new track for them. 

“You mean you can’t stand losing to me,” she giggles. “Just admit it, you suck.”

“I don’t suck.”

“You _do_.”

“I don’t.”

“Whatever,” she shrugs. “This is the fifth time I’ve beat your ass.”

Lisa lifts her Wii remote as if she’s about to throw it at Jennie and the older girl sticks her tongue out at her before smiling. 

“One more round and then leftovers?”

After three more courses and Jennie gloating from the couch as she’s crowned first place champion on the leaderboard, Lisa turns off the Wii and puts it back underneath the cabinet so her mom won’t yell at her about not putting her game up. 

They dig around in the fridge for leftovers and talk in front of the microwave as they take turns heating up different containers of food. As Lisa transfers the dishes to the table, Jennie grabs down two bowls, a couple of plates, and some chopsticks before following after her to set the table. 

“Do you want ketchup?”

“No,” Lisa frowns. “Your obsession with it is beginning to cause me concern.”

“Shut up,” she snorts and takes a seat beside Lisa before uncapping the bottle and squirting some on top of her rice. 

Lisa watches as she mixes it up and then leans over to scoop some of the steamed egg out of the bowl and shove it in her mouth along with a spoonful of rice. They eat in comfortable silence with Jennie putting different pieces of vegetables on her plate or spoon feeding her some of the seaweed soup in between bites of eel. 

When Lisa knocks her foot against Jennie’s underneath the table, she grins sheepishly at the other girl, her cheeks too stuffed with food to say anything as she huffs out a laugh. 

“I don’t wanna play footsie with you right now,” Jennie says ladling some of the soup over her eggs and topping it off with kimchi before feeding it to the other girl. 

Lisa splutters, glaring at the older girl, but otherwise continues to chew so she doesn’t choke and die on this table. When she swallows, Jennie spoons some rice into her mouth, cheesing widely with pieces of food peeking out between her teeth.

“Fucking gross,” Lisa grimaces, “And by the way- I would _never_ play footsie with you.”

Lie. A total lie. If Jennie put her feet in her lap right now, she would squeal- very, very loudly. 

Jennie chews her food and swallows it before reaching for her cup and taking a sip of water. “Sure you wouldn’t” she smirks and Lisa hates how hot she looks doing it. 

After they clear away most of the food, Jennie gathers up the dishes and puts them in the sink while Lisa cleans off the table and puts the rest of the food back in the fridge. They team up to wash dishes with Lisa cleaning the plates and Jennie loading them into the dishwasher. 

“M’sleepy,” Jennie yawns and rubs at her eyes with a fist while Lisa wipes off the counter and puts the gloves back on the rack. 

“Wanna take a nap?” she glances down at her watch, the time reading 5:07 PM and she mulls it over in her head how long they could probably sleep before she has to take Jennie back to her house. 

“Yeah,” she nods and wraps her fingers around Lisa’s wrist, tugging her in the direction of her bedroom. 

Lisa kicks the door shut with her foot and closes her curtains as Jennie drags some of the blankets off of the floor and onto the bed. With the light that manages to filter in through the blinds, Lisa walks over to the bed and watches as Jennie pulls the blankets back and carefully lays down on her side. She presses as close as she can towards the wall and looks up at Lisa until the girl climbs into the bed and presses her head onto the same pillow as her. 

“Sleep,” Jennie says, bopping her nose with a snort. 

“You sleep.”

“I’m trying, it’s hard though because your breath stinks.”

Lisa frowns at her as Jennie laughs and scoots closer until she can feel her breath fan across her lips. 

“M’kidding.”

“Just for that, you can walk home.”

“Mm,” she hums, closing her eyes. “What if I give birth on the sidewalk just because you made me walk all the way back.”

With Jennie’s eyes closed, it’s easier to talk to her especially laying this close to each other. Hesitantly, she reaches for the other girl’s hand and tangles their fingers together. Her skin is warm and she smiles softly when Jennie squeezes her fingers. 

“You live like three blocks away, you’ll survive.”

“Dick,” she mutters. 

Lisa laughs and closes her eyes, listening to the quiet way Jennie breathes and the hair that stands up on the back of her neck telling her that this is okay, she’s okay, and most importantly, that they’re okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this was originally only supposed to be two chapters, but it came out wayyy too long so I split it up into three parts. thank you for waiting for me and i hope you enjoyed this! the last part will come very soon, guys.


	3. when it's meant to be

Gym class consists of the girls running laps on the track field on Tuesdays and Lisa hates it. She hates running because for one, she sucks at it, and two, despite her legs being freakishly long, they’re of no use on the track field. 

She’s a swimmer, not a runner. 

Nonetheless, she’s skipped too many periods of gym class and she’s afraid that if she fakes going to the nurse’s office again, the coach might actually call home and her mom will positively KILL HER. 

So she wipes away the sweat from the edge of her brow and pushes through the final lap, almost dying, when she finally completes it and trudges over to the grass to lay down and pray that she doesn’t throw up. 

The sun is an oddly comforting weight on her as she lays in the grass with her eyes closed. Even though her shirt is sticking to her chest and it feels like her shorts are chafing, she lifts a hand to move her fingers and sighs when she feels a tiny prickling sensation. 

“Not dead,” she mutters. 

For the next couple of minutes, she lays in the grass until she hears the coach blow her whistle and yell that they can have free sport now. The school disguises that term as a way to promote physical activity but all it really means is that you can sit underneath the bleachers or go back to the locker rooms as long as you don’t leave the gym.  
Lisa takes a deep breath and when it feels like she can move without physically injuring herself, she peels her eyes open, squinting against the sunlight and rolling over to lay on her stomach. 

Some girls are walking around the track talking to one another, others are heading back inside, and some are lounging on the bleachers with their arms shielding their eyes or on their phones.

Lisa spots Jennie in her usual spot, on the bottom row of the bleachers, messing with her phone. She looks so perfect sitting there in her shorts and the large boys’ gym t-shirt. Her hair is pulled back into a ponytail and although she usually walks during this period, the coach thought she should sit this one out since it was so hot.  
Lisa thumbs away some of the sweat in the corner of her eye and sighs when Jennie finally looks up and notices her across the field. She makes an ugly face and then laughs when Lisa does it right back at her.

 _‘Come over here,’_ she mouths. She even pats the space beside her on the bleachers as if to entice her even further.

Lisa rolls her eyes but pulls herself up on her feet anyway and runs the rest of the way over to join Jennie. 

At least in this spot, the large tree that Chaeyoung had tried to climb last year is still there, so they get some temporary shade from the blazing heat. 

Lisa sits down beside Jennie and angles her head down as she watches the girl send a text message to her mom before closing the app and opening Twitter. She scrolls through her feed, liking a few tweets that make both of them laugh and retweeting a meme of Spongebob holding a baguette in front of the Eiffel Tower before she sets her phone down. 

“Gym is so boring,” she sighs loudly. 

“Tell me about it, I almost died out there,” Lisa frowns. “I hate Tuesdays.”

“I still don’t get how you can’t run. Like that makes no sense.”

“You and me both,” she says and reaches down to grab Jennie’s water bottle at her feet, quickly uncapping the lid to take a large swig. 

The older girl moves to wipe away some of the sweat on Lisa’s face with her hand before she laughs and nudges her shoulder. “You’re gonna stink so bad in Chem.”

“Don’t you think I know that already?” she scowls. The water pipeline in the locker room was still being fixed and wouldn’t be done until Friday, so they couldn’t use the showers. On top of it being nearly a hundred degrees outside, they had just run nearly three laps in the heat and her clothes were sticking to her skin uncomfortably. 

“I packed some baby wipes when we were at your house the other day. So I’ll be good for now.”

“Jerk,” Jennie snorted. “Can’t be stealing my baby’s stuff without asking. He’s gonna need that.”

Lisa rolled her eyes but smiled when Jennie tugged on her pinky finger and made a motion with her head to the back of the bleachers. 

“Come on.”

“Um- o-okay.” 

She helped her up from her spot and let her grip onto her elbow as they walked around the back until they were completely shielded from the sunlight and the rest of their classmates. The girls that were still sitting on the bleachers, paid them no mind and if Lisa stepped out just a little bit, she could see the coach leaning against the brick wall on her phone. 

“Why are we back here?”

Jennie stares at her for a long second and it should make her uncomfortable, well it does, but she tries to downplay it by stuffing her hands in her pocket and tonguing the inside of her cheek. 

It’s the sweat stains. It has to be. She can feel it underneath her armpits and in the stitching of the neckline. Jennie was probably going to say something about it because that’s what she usually did. Talked shit about Lisa until the younger girl hit her or something. 

But now she can’t just hit her because she is pregnant so that left her with limited options-- 

Lisa snaps out of her thoughts when she feels hands cup the side of her neck before sliding upwards to grab a hold of her ears. Those fingers stroke the soft skin of her cartilage and before she can say anything- she feels her head being angled down as smooth, pineapple flavored lips press against her own.  
The touch only lasts a few seconds, but it’s enough to make her knees shake as she feels those same lips peck her once more before Jennie pulls back and comes into focus again. She looks nervous, so nervous that she’s biting on the bottom of her lip in what looks like it probably hurts. She chances a glance up at Lisa but the younger girl can barely find the words that would accurately sum up what she’s feeling right now. 

Jennie just...she just kissed her. Not like with tongue or anything, it was more of a light peck but it was a kiss! Like an actual kiss, where she tasted her lip gloss and felt her breath in her mouth. Lisa hesitantly lifts a hand up to her own mouth, touching the skin with the tip of her finger as the flesh gives way.

_Fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, God._

“Y-You,” she says but even that doesn’t feel like a real word. 

She touches her lip again, just because and pulls her hand away so she can stare at Jennie, at her best friend, at the girl that she has been in love with since she punched someone out for her. 

“Wh- why did you? What-” 

It doesn’t seem like she’s gonna get any competent words in today but that’s alright. Well, it’s not alright, but she was literally just kissed by the girl of her dreams and if she doesn’t ever speak again- well then, shit. It is what it is. 

“Can I kiss you - can I kiss you, again?”

Lisa smacks her lips together and nods dumbly. That’s all she can do really. She can’t form an intelligible sentence long enough for it to make sense. Because nothing- not Jennie, not her, none of this- makes any sense.

Jennie wrings her fingers together nervously and Lisa hates that, hates that she looks scared. She hates that Jennie has any inkling to be afraid, because yes, even though her heart feels like it’s about to stop and she can hear the blood rushing in her ears, that doesn’t mean that Jennie needs to be afraid. 

Lisa wants this. She wants this more than she can think. She wants this more than food or water, or God forbid, My Hero Academia.

So she bends her neck to make it easier for Jennie and licks her lips as the older girl grabs a hold of her arms and tilts her head up until their lips meet again.  
It’s so soft. The kiss, it’s not like the one with Rachel. It’s not like the one she imagined in her head, no, not even close. It’s better than that. There are no fireworks, no singing in her head, or the rush of adrenaline in her bloodstream. Instead, she hears her breathing. She can taste pineapple flavored lip gloss and she feels a tingling sensation in the back of her brain that travels all the way down her spine. It makes her fingers twitch and her toes curl up in her sneakers. 

This is only her second kiss but it’s already the best. She follows Jennie’s lead because she knows that she’s more experienced than her. Jennie’s lips feel like cushions, soft pillowy cushions that make her groan when the other girl rolls her top lip between her own and sucks hard on it.

 _“Haa -”_ she moans embarrassingly loud.

Jennie’s lips pause, her tongue gently easing out to flick at her bottom lip and Lisa almost goes cross-eyed trying to watch it. 

“Quiet,” she whispers. “Someone might hear you.”

Lisa nods, not really registering what she’s saying but leaning back in to press their lips together. 

She’s never gonna get tired of this. Not ever. Not in a million years. Not in a century. Nope, not happening.  
She can feel the smile on Jennie’s lips as she pushes back and traces her tongue around the seam of her mouth before Lisa opens up and lets her in. If the scent of her lip gloss was strong then, it’s completely overpowering now. Not in a bad way, but it does something funny to Lisa when she tastes it with her tongue and the pineapple taste explodes in her mouth. 

Jennie’s fingernails dig into the elbow but she barely has time to wince in pain because the older girl is biting on her lip and tugging on it like a leash.

_Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck. This girl is so hot!_

“Wait-” she pants. “Wait, wait, wait- “ she tries to calm her heart down but Jennie is kissing her chin and moving her lips to the side of her jaw and it’s really doing things to the middle of her legs. 

“Wait, Jennie- wait,” she says softly and gently holds her back so she can focus. 

She blinks up at her, her appearance just as disheveled but she also looks nervous again and Lisa really hates that expression.

“Don’t-” she starts and shakes her head so she can gather the right words that she wants to say. “Don’t do this with me- if you don’t. You know...if you don’t want to- or m-mean it. I can’t- I can’t.” 

She sounds really pathetic out loud but she can’t help it. This is what she’s wanted for almost her entire life. Before she even knew what this was, she had wanted it. Wanted it like she couldn’t live without it and now that this was happening, that the girl that she loves, that the girl that she has dreamed about for years is kissing her- it feels too good to be true. 

But she can’t entertain momentary satisfaction for someone who just wants to mess around with her- even if it is Jennie. It’s too dangerous- it’s too much for someone like her. Her feelings are real- Goddamnit, they’re so real that it fucking terrifies her just to think about it. She won’t be some proxy or experiment to navigate her sexuality through and she definitely won’t be some idiot that allows the kissing and whatever else that comes with it to continue if this isn’t something that Jennie is serious about. She can’t do that. She won’t do that. 

She must look pretty pathetic though, because Jennie smiles sadly, her gaze dropping down to the floor before she chuckles. The top of her ears are burning red and Lisa knows that if she were to tilt her chin up, her entire face would be on fire. 

“When we were in the tenth grade, I came over to your house and we played Sonic for two hours before you told me that you kissed a girl for the first time. Her name was Rachel...yeah, it was Rachel, I remember. You were so nervous that you started stuttering and I could barely hear what you were saying, but you looked- I don’t know,” she sighed. “You looked happy- well maybe not _happy_ , but satisfied. You looked satisfied and I hated it.”

She finally looks up and Lisa stares into her eyes, partly in disbelief and because she can’t believe that Jennie remembers the first girl that Lisa ever kissed. 

“I hated that someone got to have that. I hated that someone felt you there, they-they did what I was too afraid to do. It made me so angry and selfish; that’s why I left your house after you told me. I walked all the way back home and cried,” she chuckled. 

“I cried for three blocks because some stupid girl that didn’t deserve it got your first kiss. I cried because I knew you wouldn’t stop talking about it. I cried because I didn’t get to have that with you. I wanted that with you.”

Without even thinking about, Lisa leans forward and kisses her again. Jennie makes a surprising little noise in the back of her throat, her lips unmoving as Lisa presses closer until she wraps her fingers around her wrist. 

No fucking way. 

Lisa can’t- she can’t even believe this. She has to be dreaming. She has to be. Things like this don’t happen. Not for girls like her, not for people that act the way Lisa acts or love people the way she does. 

Girls like her don’t get this. They don’t fucking get this. But yet, here she is and with the girl of her dreams. The girl of her dreams is kissing her back and smiling against her lips and she can feel her knees wobbling because she’s so fucking turned on right now.

_Holy shit!_

“You like me? Like you...you actually- um,” she frowns and takes a deep breath before trying again. “You _like_ like me?”

She has to hear her say it because this is unreal. This can’t be the same girl that punched someone in the mouth for her in second grade. This can’t be the same girl that she sat next to at her father’s funeral. This can’t be the girl that tried on bras in front of her or beat her at Mario Kart a few weeks ago. 

It can’t be, but it is. It’s her. It’s every single part of her. 

“I was ashamed,” she frowns. “I was ashamed because I thought you wouldn’t see me in that way, especially after this,” she says gesturing to her stomach. 

“That night at the party, do you remember?” she asks her. 

How could she forget? That was the night that she wanted to tell Jennie that she was in love with her. That was the night that she looked so beautiful that Lisa knew that she would never look at another girl in the same way ever again. That was the night that both of their lives changed. 

“Yes,” she whispers. 

“I was gonna tell you that I liked you but then everything just got in the way and then…” she bit her lip, trailing off nervously. Lisa knew what she wanted to say. Then Bobby happened, then the beer pong happened, and then this- her baby. 

“But after what happened between Bobby and me and then after I found out I was pregnant, I didn’t know how to address you. I thought you would laugh in my face.”

It hurts that Jennie thinks that. It really hurts that she feels like she had no way to tell her what she was thinking or how she felt. As if Lisa could ever _not_ take her seriously or reciprocate her feelings. As if she could ever have something to be ashamed of. 

“I would never laugh at you,” she says. “I- I- I like you...I’m in _love_ with you. I’ve been in love- in love with you since before I even knew it. Remember in the second grade? When you punched that girl in the mouth because she pushed me off the swings? That’s when I fell in love.”

It feels like someone isn’t sitting on her chest anymore. It feels like the weight that was once there, is now gone. It feels like she can breathe in with both of her lungs and her ribcage won’t collapse from the pressure. 

It feels good. It feels really fucking good. 

“I love you, Jennie Kim,” she smiles. “I’m in love with you, I’m so in love with you, girl.”

Jennie’s smile starts out slow until it grows into a full-blown grin. She’s so pretty and the fact that this girl likes her too- that she feels the same thing that Lisa has been feeling her entire life- is fucking amazing. 

“I love you too,” she says softly. “M’sorry,” she mumbles. “Sorry about all this...and for taking so long, you know? Not telling you or anything.”

“I should be the one apologizing,” she frowns. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I was -” scared? Is that the right thing to say? Because she was scared. She was terrified of ruining her friendship with Jennie or making her feel uncomfortable because of the way she felt. 

For years, she kept that part to herself because it seemed like the right thing to do. But now that she knows that Jennie felt the same way about her, that she likes her- is possibly in love with her- just as much as she is, she wishes that she would have said something sooner. 

“I was afraid that you wouldn’t want to be my friend anymore or that things would be awkward if I told you how I felt about you.” 

“So you didn’t say anything...all this time?”

“No,” Lisa says shaking her head. “I- I couldn’t. I couldn’t risk our friendship over that.” 

“Over your feelings?”

“Yes.”

Jennie looks down at the ground and Lisa follows her line of sight. Her tennis shoes were covered in dirt and she had grass stains on the front of her gym clothes. Gently, Lisa poked her bump and she smiled when Jennie took her finger and held it in her grasp. 

“We’re so stupid,” she muttered. 

“Tell me about it.”

Both of them didn’t say anything for a second until Jennie looked up and broke into a smile. Lisa poked the dimple in her cheek and laughed, both of them bursting into giggles. 

“I-” There was so much to say and she didn’t even know where to start. She wanted to ask her on a date, ask her for another kiss, anything that would make this last a little longer but before she could even get it out, coach was blaring the whistle as she shouted for everyone to come inside. 

“...Later?” Jennie asked her. 

“Later,” she nodded and just because she could, she swooped down and pressed a quick kiss to her forehead.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The end of the school day could not come fast enough. As soon as Mr. Koehler finished handing out the study guides for the final exams, Lisa shoved all of her papers into her bookbag and hurriedly scribbled down her name for an afternoon slot at the tutoring center.

The bell rings just as Marcus is asking if the exam is going to be open book, to which their teacher rolls his eyes and replies with an exasperated _‘no.’_

 _“That’s the point of the study guide,”_ he says and shakes his head as the students push their chairs in and trickle out of the room, into the hallway. 

Lisa has just enough time to grab a few textbooks from her locker and stuff it into her bag before she’s bounding down the stairs, two steps at a time, and squeezing through other people as she makes her way towards the dancehall. When she pushes past the double doors that separate the band hall from the dance wing, she skids to a stop and steps back so she can lean against the trophy case decorated with awards from this year’s competition. 

Jennie is standing next to a few girls, one of them with a short black blob who’s talking animatedly with her hands as the other girl, slightly taller than the two of them, laughs loudly and shoves the shorter girl on the shoulder. 

Lisa doesn’t even realize how creepy she looks just standing there and watching them until the short haired girl frowns at her and nudges Jennie as she points a finger in her direction. She flushes red all the way down to her sports bra probably and shuffles awkwardly when all three girls turn their heads to look at her. 

Jennie catches her eyes and offers up a small smile, one that makes her chest tighten before she says something to the girls and waves as she starts waddling towards her. The three periods after gym class didn’t nearly give Lisa enough time to gather her thoughts and make sense of what had happened behind the bleachers. They kissed each other and they admitted that they had feelings for one another, so that meant that they were together, right? Like girlfriends?

So...they were dating? I mean, you didn’t just kiss someone and say all of that stuff if you weren’t, right? No, no no no, they were definitely dating. But maybe...maybe she should just make sure first so they were on the same page. Yeah, that couldn’t hurt. 

When Jennie got close enough, Lisa grinned and it grew as the older girl grabbed a hold of her book bag strap and tugged on it. This was fine. This was perfectly normal. No awkwardness at all. 

“Hey,” she said. 

“Hi,” Jennie grinned and if Lisa thought that things would be weird, Jennie completely killed that notion by leaning up and kissing her right on the mouth.

She squeaked, her eyes widening in shock as the other girl laughed and pushed her face into her chest. _Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!_

“I- I have to- I have to...go to practice. Are you gonna be okay...with getting...a ride home?”

She didn’t know what to do with her hands. They were just hanging at her side and it felt so awkward that she finally just lifted them up and hesitantly grabbed a hold of her hips. 

This was fine. This was perfectly normal. No awkwardness at all. 

“Mm,” she nodded and pulled back to look up at Lisa. “I’m getting a ride with Hayi.” 

She turned around to point at the group of girls that she was just talking to, all three of them startling and pretending to be in conversation with one another as if they hadn’t spent the last few minutes watching Jennie and Lisa. 

Lisa shook her head and snorted before pulling back slightly and watching as Jennie pushed some of her hair behind her ear. 

“So...I’ll text you later, then?”

“Yeah,” she murmured. 

“Okay.”

“Okay,” Jennie smiled softly. 

Neither of them moved, though, and it was funny because all they did was stare at each other. It was almost like they were looking at each other for the first time. But they were, right? The Jennie and Lisa before that kiss underneath the bleachers weren’t the same Jennie and Lisa that was standing in the crowded dance hallway. It felt like they were eons away from each other.

“I gotta go,” she said, pointing behind her. 

Jennie nodded, biting down on her bottom lip and Lisa followed the motion with her eyes until she leaned down and pressed a kiss to her lips. It was short but it was enough to make her smile and it was enough to make Jennie gasp into her mouth. 

“Don’t forget to text me,” she breathed against her lips. 

Lisa nodded and stood there for another second before reluctantly pulling back and turning around to head to the pools.

 

 

* * *

 

 

10:55 PM

Lisa glanced another look at the digital clock on her nightstand before sighing and adjusting the blanket around her waist. 

Jennie said that she would FaceTime her around eleven, so she had about five minutes give or take knowing Jennie. She opened the camera app on her phone and fixed her hair and thumbed a little bit of the crust out of her eye from when she had taken a nap earlier. 

She was just about to do a breath check when she realized how stupid that was and calmly reached for the water bottle on her nightstand and took a large sip.  
When her phone buzzed not even two minutes later, Lisa accepted the request and waited for the screen to load before she saw Jennie’s face appear on the screen. She was wearing a face mask, the one with an animal face on it and Lisa automatically laughed when she realized that it was a giraffe. 

“Shut up,” she mumbled. “ A bitch has to stay moisturized.” She smoothed out the sides of the mask on her face before reaching out of view to grab some tissues to wipe her fingers. 

“I ran out of face masks,” Lisa hummed. “Bring me some to school tomorrow.”

“No, go buy your own.”

“But I want yours,” Lisa whined and stuck out her bottom lip in a dramatic pout. 

“Fine,” Jennie sighed loudly. “You’re such a brat.”

“Your brat,” Lisa grinned smugly. 

Jennie snorted and Lisa liked this. She liked this a lot. It still felt easy to talk to her, to engage in little snide conversations like this. It felt like nothing had changed between them even though truly, it had. 

“Whatcha doing?” Jennie asked her. 

“Nothing. Well… I was going to play some Crash Bandicoot downstairs but then I heard my mom and dad in the kitchen when I was going down so I hightailed back in her and now I’m talking to you,” she grinned. 

“What about you?”

“Dork,” Jennie said softly. “I was watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine on my computer,” she said and turned her phone to show the screen of her MacBook with Captain Holt’s face on pause. 

“What episode is that?”

“Episode one, ‘Honeymoon.’ It’s when Jake and Amy go to Hawaii after they got married, have you watched it already?”

“I...don't...think so?” she frowned. 

“...Well...do you want to-” she said nervously. “Like do you want to watch it now, with me?”

“Do...you want...to?”

She flushed red when Jennie gave her a deadpan look before sighing and leaning forward to drag her computer onto her lap. 

“I hate when you answer a question with a question.”

“Sorry.”

Jennie propped her phone up against her dresser, so the laptop and herself could both be in view. She dimmed the setting on her lamp before turning sideways and pressing play. The comfortable silence between them was soon filled with the actors talking on screen. They commented on some parts and Jennie laughed the loudest before she would tell herself to calm down or else she was going to wake her mom up. 

During the ads, they would make short comments in between before the show would come back on then dip right back into silence. By the time the episode finished, it was midnight and Lisa was spread out on the bed laying on her stomach as Jennie closed her laptop and pushed it away to the side. 

“You tired?”

“Not really,” she murmured. 

“Me either.” 

They stared at each other for a long moment before Lisa cleared her throat and shifted forward to adjust the pillow underneath her arm. She pressed her cheek against the material and smiled when Jennie shifted to the side and mirrored her own position. 

It felt like there was an elephant in the room. Not an awkward one, but one, nonetheless. They hadn’t really talked about that kiss, well the few kisses they had already had, or the talk/semi-confession behind the bleachers in gym class. It felt like they had sort of said everything they needed to say...so that was it right? They had covered all the bases?

 _Maybe I’m just overthinking this_ , she thought to herself. 

_Yeah, definitely, definitely overthinking this._

_Or is she waiting for me to say something?_

Her facial expression must have given her away because Jennie props herself up on her elbow and frowns at her in a way that shouldn’t be cute but it just is. 

“You’re thinking hard again, aren’t you?”

“No,” she muttered.

Jennie leveled a glare at her and Lisa frowned. “Okay, yes, but it’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing. Tell me.”

“I don’t know how to say it.”

“Just _tellll_ me,” she groaned. 

“Fine! Fine,” she hissed. “It’s just...I just want to- like, I want to know. We’re d-dating, right? Like doing the whole girlfriend thing?”

“Seriously?” Jennie said and then she just started giggling. She fell back against her pillows and shook with how hard she was laughing. 

Lisa frowned and just waited until she was done before she cleared her throat loudly and sat up. “I’m hanging up.” 

“Wait-” Jennie giggled. “Wait, wait- “ she wiped her eyes and sat up a little bit, her face flushed from laughing so hard and her eyes red as she tried to calm herself down. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Whatever,” Lisa said, rolling her eyes. 

“I’m sorry, Lalisa. Seriously, I didn’t mean to laugh.”

“It wasn’t even funny!”

“To me it was,” she chuckled. 

“Well, it wasn’t to me!” she grumbled. 

“You’re just so stupid. Why would I not want to be your girlfriend? After everything I told you? I’m actually offended that you didn’t think we were already dating after that.”

Oh.

_Oh._

So this...this was actually happening. Jennie is...Jennie is her...her...girlfriend. That was an actual term that she could actually label her as. Jennie is Lisa’s girlfriend. Like someone who she can actually kiss whenever she wants, who she can take out on dates, buy her cute things, hold her hand, and all that other shit that she watches in those rom-coms.

_Oh, fuck._

_Oh, fuck this is really happening._

“Okay,” she nods. 

“Okay?”

“Yeah…” she sighs. “I just...I just needed confirmation, like to know that we were on the same page.”

“We’re on the same page...you want to date me too, right?”

Lisa snorted so hard that she felt snot hit the back of her throat and she yelped before jumping off the bed and running into the bathroom to grab some tissue. When she came back, Jennie was looking at her with a bored expression and she winced as she pulled back the sheets and climbed in. 

“I almost…had an...aneurysm...I think.”

“Why?” she smirked. 

“You know why,” Lisa muttered. “I- Of course, I want to date you. Like, you don’t even have to ask. I really _really_ want to date you. Like, _sooo_ bad.”

She blushed when Jennie beamed at her and brought her phone closer to her face so she could press her lips to her screen in a quick kiss. 

Lisa was too stunned to say anything, but gradually, she could see her wide-eyed and slack-jawed expression in the top corner of the screen and she fumbled to take a screenshot of Jennie’s lip on the camera before the girl pulled back and laughed. 

“Take me out on a date.”

“Date?”

“Yeah, a date. Like with food or something, I don’t know.”

A date. A date. Yeah, Lisa could do that. She could definitely do that. She would do that. She was gonna take Jennie on the best damn date of her life. Or something like that, yeah. But affordable, something nice but affordable. 

“Okay,” she said and nodded. “Um...you want to like...you want to do something...like this weekend?”

“Mm…” she looked away before shrugging her shoulders. “Like Sunday? My mom and I were going to visit my cousins on Saturday.”

“Yeah, Sunday then. Yeah, I can do that. We can do that,” she nodded again. 

Jennie smiled and shook her head before murmuring, _'dork,'_ underneath her breath. 

It was nearing one o’clock in the morning when Lisa glanced at her phone. She had swim practice in the morning and as much as she hated to say it, she had to go to bed. Not to mention, she had to run the carpool slot in the mornings on Wednesdays. So if she didn’t go to sleep sometime soon, she probably wouldn’t wake up on time and then that would just screw everything up. 

“Um...so...I have to go to bed, but only because I have to wake up early tomorrow for the carpool thing, you know for swim practice?”

“You’re leaving me?” she pouted. 

That pout. Oh, God that pout. It was still as cute as when she did it when they were younger. Her lips were so smooth and plump too. She stared at it for about three seconds before she shook her head and grimaced. 

“Uh...yeah. Yeah, I have to. It’s not like I want to or anything.”

“I know,” she smiled and shifted until she was comfortable on her side again. “I’ll see you at school, then?”

“You know it,” Lisa grinned. 

They kept staring at each other and Jennie looked so soft in the glow of her lamp that Lisa didn’t want to look away. She actually just took another screenshot because she could and because this was her girlfriend now. 

Fuck, it felt really good to know that it was real this time and not something that she had imagined in her head. 

“I- I love you,” she whispered. 

Jennie smiled into the pillow, her eyes crinkling as her cheeks bunched up with the effort. When she saw that Lisa was still staring at her, she whined and covered her face with her hand. 

“Say it back,” Lisa laughed. 

“You already know how I feel,” she mumbled. 

“But I still want to hear you say it.”

She peeked between her fingers, her brown eyes so wide and playful, that Lisa felt her heart squeeze and simultaneously burst at the same time. She was so gorgeous and so beautiful and she was all hers. 

“Love you,” she whispered softly. 

It felt strange for Lisa to know that love, now, in this sense at least, was not platonic anymore. That when either of them said it to each other, that they were doing so because they loved one another more than friends. This wasn’t a one-sided or a two-sided thing depending on how you looked at it. No, not anymore. These were real and reciprocated feelings between two people. 

Lisa was in love with her and Jennie was in love with Lisa. It was that simple, yet so monumental at the same time. 

“Are you ever actually going to hang up or are you just going to keep staring at me with that dopey smile on your face?”

“You’re right, I should sleep. Bye!”

Jennie squawked and opened her mouth like she was going to say something before Lisa abruptly ended the video call. 

When she leaned up to turn her lamp off, her phone kept repeatedly buzzing with FaceTime requests, but she ignored it as she slipped underneath the blankets and shoved her hand underneath her head. When she unlocked her iPhone, there were two missed FaceTime calls followed by a thread of messages.

**From: Jennie 1:02 AM**

Bitch!

**From: Jennie 1:03 AM**

I can’t believe you hung up on me! Hope you choke on your own spit and die

Lisa laughed and scrolled down to read the other messages.

**From: Jennie 1:05 AM**

Rude and to think i let you kiss me and be my girlfriend. Smh.

**From: Jennie 1:07 AM**

Can’t believe im in love with a dick

Lisa snorted and rubbed her feet together until her socks fell off. She moved to set her phone on the nightstand and smiled into her pillow as she drifted off to sleep.

 

 

* * *

 

 

**Where to take your girlfriend in the Bay Area**

**Good date places for lesbians**

**Is it safe for pregnant people to go out on a date?**

**Places to take your pregnant girlfriend**

_About 2,490,000,000 results yielded_

 

Lisa let out a loud sigh as she leaned back on her bed and stared up at the ceiling. 

Google was of no help and Yelp was even worse. It was Saturday evening and Lisa still had no idea of where she was going to take Jennie for their date tomorrow. She had asked her on Friday where she wanted to go but all she had said was _‘anything is fine with me,’_ so that didn’t really help her out much. 

Lisa groaned, setting her phone down as she slid off her bed and padded downstairs to the kitchen. Her mom was watching the news while she typed on her computer, probably working on her novel that was due out in October, and she gave Lisa a quick smile before turning back to the TV. 

“Are you hungry?” her dad asked as she opened the fridge and grabbed down a water bottle. 

“A little bit.” 

She uncapped the bottle and took a quick swig before wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. She watched as he sliced pieces of tofu on a small plate then turned around to stir the coconut milk that was boiling in the pot. 

“Can you pass me the red paste, please?” he said over his shoulder. 

Lisa leaned over the counter and grabbed the dish with the red curry paste and handed it to him, watching as he scrapped it into the pot and stirred it into the coconut milk until it turned a light brown color. 

“Here, you stir.”

Lisa took the spoon and continued where he left off, looking over her shoulder as he walked back over to the pantry before coming back out with a small jar of tomato paste. “Do you know that I made this for your mom the first night she moved in with me?”

“Really?” Lisa snorted. 

“Yep,” he twisted open the lip and took a small tablespoon to scoop some of it out before adding it to the pot as well. 

“She was very uncomfortable with living in Germany. She used to hate the weather, the food, all of it,” he said, waving his hand. “She would cry sometimes and then she would get mad at me for bringing her to Germany and it made me so upset,” he frowned. 

He leaned over to grab the bowl of coconut milk and poured the rest of it in the pot before adding the mushroom water that was sitting in a measuring cup. 

“So I went online and I looked up all these recipes for foods that she might like and I found this one,” he nodded toward the pot. 

“Did it come out any good?”

“Oh, God no,” he frowned. “I had used too much curry, not enough soy sauce. It was too watery and not red like the picture in the book. It was gross.”

Lisa laughed and found that it wasn’t really that hard to imagine her dad that much younger, in an apartment in Germany scrambling over a dish of curry.  
When the sauce starts to boil, he added some soy sauce, poured in something that read Golden Mountain Sauce, and then added some palm sugar in before telling Lisa to start stirring again. 

“But you’re good at it now.”

Thai red curry was easily one of her favorite dishes and she constantly ate it after a long day at practice, whenever it was raining, or when she wanted something fulfilling. Even now, as the scents wafted up to her nose, she found herself biting her lip and staring down at the bubbles that began to form on the surface. 

“Your mom helped me,” he said nudging her shoulder. “It was so bad that she offered to teach me and then slowly but surely, I got better.”

“Did it help...like with homesickness?”

He stepped away to grab a handful of lime leaves out of the fridge and broke them apart before tossing them in the pot. Lisa handed him a bowl full of bean sprouts and mushrooms and watched as he also added it in and turned the heat down. 

“Why do you think you were born in Thailand, huh?”

Lisa laughed and shook her head as she grabbed the plate of tofu and slid all of the pieces into the pot. Her mom had ventured into the kitchen at that point and she raised her eyebrows as she slid over to the stove and looked snuck a glance into the pot. 

“Smells delicious.”

“I didn’t hear a _‘thank you’_ but you’re welcome.”

Her mom snorted, rolling her eyes as she walked over to his side and stroked the back of his arm before pressing a kiss to his cheek. 

“Better?”

“Eh,” he shrugged. 

Lisa smirked and added the red peppers and a handful of basil before setting the cover over the pot so it could simmer.

“What were you two gossiping about in here?”

“You,” they both said at the same time. 

Her mother frowned, slapping both of their arms before moving to grab down some bowls and spoons out of the dishwasher. When the food was done cooking, her father carefully moved the pot to the table and waited for Lisa to sit so he could begin transferring the curry into three bowls. 

“I was wondering...like...if I could- like ask you guys something?”

Lisa had yet to take a spoonful of soup, which was highly unusual for her, especially considering that it was red curry soup. She loved that stuff and as a result, her parents had hardly touched theirs either. 

“What is it?” her mom asked. 

“Um...well, Jennie and I were like gonna go somewhere on Sunday. It’s our first date,” she could feel herself blushing even though she had practiced this so many times in front of the bathroom mirror. 

“I just- I just want to like...ask you guys...like what should I do? I mean, she’s pregnant, so I don’t want to hurt her or make her uncomfortable, but like I want it to be really fun.”  
Her mom looked amused as she lifted her spoon to her lips and gently blew on it before taking a sip. Her dad was spooning rice into his mouth but swallowed it before rubbing the top of his head, in what Lisa knew was his way of telling you that he was thinking of something. 

“You know-” he snapped his fingers. “You should take her to the cinema. Watch movies, anything good out?”

“Not really,” Lisa frowned. She had checked last night and this morning. They were either showing films that they had already seen or something that she knew Jennie wouldn’t be interested in. The movies were always dead around December anyway. 

“She won’t want to walk a lot with her feet the way they are now, especially at eight months,” her mom mused. 

That was true. Jennie was always complaining about her feet being sore and swollen from walking around campus. She wore slip-on sneakers now and even then, Lisa could see how painful it looked whenever she would toe them off or ask her to rub them for her at home. 

“Why don’t you have a picnic?”

“Oh!” her father smiled. “That’s a good idea! That way you can eat and relax at the same time, and it’s also free,” he winked at his daughter. 

Lisa scoffed, yeah she was cheap, but like for Jennie she at least would splurge a little bit. Maybe like buy her ice cream or those shrimp fries that she was obsessed with at the Asian grocery store. 

“I can make you a lot of yummy foods and you can go to the park and eat there. I bet she would like that a lot.”

Lisa mulled over that as she stared down at her food and silently moved her spoon around in small circles. The pieces of tofu in her bowl bobbed underneath the weight of her spoon and after picking up some peppers and dumping it back in the bowl, she sighed and looked back up at her parents. 

“Do you think she would like that?”

“Without a doubt,” her mom nodded. “You don’t want to do too much and stress her out. Something bad might happen like the baby coming early.”

Oh, fuck. Yeah, no, okay. Picnic it is then. There was no way she wanted Jennie to be in any amount of pain whatsoever, and she definitely didn’t want her to have her baby a month early or have the memory of their first date together being a complete disaster. She might do something like break up with her over that. Their relationship would crash and burn before the weekend is over. 

“Okay, I’ll text her tonight then. Thanks,” she smiled. 

Her mom waved her hand again while her dad gestured for her to eat her curry. “Eat first, then thank us later.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“You’re gonna give me heartburn,” Jennie whined. 

Lisa cackled, unwrapping the saran wrap on the dishes that her father had packed and handed it to Jennie so she could spread them out on the blanket. The weather is perfect, granted Lisa triple checked the weather forecast this morning and made sure that it was going to be sunny enough to have a picnic today. The sky is covered in clouds, the azure blue that seeps through, decorating the sky and bringing a cool breeze every time the waves lap at the shore. 

The park is populated with people playing frisbee, lounging on the grass, sitting by the shore to throw rocks in the water, or take photos with the Golden Gate Bridge in the background. 

“But it’s all your favorite foods.”

“I know it is! That’s the problem, I’m gonna eat everything.”

Lisa threw her head back laughing and kicked off her Converse before scooting over to Jennie’s side and adjusting the bolster behind her. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Mm,” she nodded. “I’m okay, I’m actually really comfortable and I’m not walking so my feet don’t even hurt.”

She wiggled her mint green painted toenails just to prove her point and Lisa grinned, swooping in to press a quick kiss to her cheek before grabbing a kimbap roll and feeding it to Jennie. 

“This is delicious,” Jennie says behind her hand and after swallowing, she opens up her mouth again which Lisa laughs at before feeding her another roll. 

They alternate between the kimbap, a small bowl of tteokbokki, and those Japanese egg sandwiches that Jennie loves to eat. When she offers her a stick of celery, she frowns, pushing it away from her and Lisa pokes her stomach, as if to communicate without saying anything. 

“I hate celery.”

“You hate every vegetable invented on Earth.”

“Exactly! So you should know better by now.”

Lisa huffed and poked the bottom of her lip with the stick of celery again as Jennie tried to swat it away, unsuccessfully. 

“Yeah, but like I read it somewhere that you need to eat like healthy too so the baby comes out alright.”

“I know,” she sighed and looked down at her tummy, running her hand over the top of her belly button. 

“I hate it, though. It’s so gross. Besides, he likes kimbap,” she says and reaches forward to grab another roll and pop it into her mouth. 

“Don’t get mad at me if he comes out with like seven toes or some shit; all because you wouldn’t eat a celery stick,” she shrugged. 

“Asshole!” Jennie laughed and punched her in the arm. “Take that back before I break up with you.”

Lisa narrowed her eyes at her and the older girl copied her until both of them started laughing and Jennie reached for the celery stick, her frown still apparent as she bit a small piece off. 

Baby steps, Lisa told herself. Baby steps. 

“Now, he’s gonna have five toes,” she said taking another bite of the celery. 

Lisa smiled and took her face in her hands, gently squeezing her cheeks together and leaning forward to kiss her. The other girl whined but let her peck her again and again and again until Jennie was giggling and pushing her away halfheartedly. 

“Here,” Jennie says and picked a strawberry out of the container, holding it up to the other girl’s lips.

The hum of other conversations, the sound of children shrieking as they played down by the water, and the dogs chasing after each other on the grass, filled the comfortable silence that both girls lulled into as they finished their food. 

When the sun begins to set, Lisa helps Jennie up and they take a short walk around the area, snapping selfies whenever they find a good spot and kicking rocks with the front of their sneakers as they find a bench and sit down. 

Jennie reaches in the pocket of her dress and pulls out a stick of gum before offering it to Lisa. 

“Wanna play twenty questions?”

Lisa snorts, unwrapping the gum and sticking it in her mouth as she stuffs the paper in her pocket. “Really? What do we not know about each other at this point?”

“This is different,” she grins and looks over at a squirrel running into the bushes. “This is twenty questions _couple edition,_ ” she wiggles her eyebrows. 

Lisa can’t help it, she bursts out laughing. “Couples edition? Really? Did you just make that up?”

“I didn’t _not_ make it up,” she shrugs. 

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Shut up!” She whines. “Just do it with me and stop being so difficult.”

Her bottom lip is pushed out in a pout and it should look ridiculous because she’s not really intimidating when she looks at Lisa at like that but she can’t just not ignore a face like that either. 

“Fine,” she sighs loudly and she peeks over at Jennie, a small smile stretching across her face as she bumps their shoulders together.

“You go first.”

“Hm…” she bit her lip and looked off into the distance before facing Lisa. “Favorite thing about me?”

Oh.

 _Okay, that was easy_ Lisa thought. 

_No pressure._

“I’m assuming I can’t say something like _‘everything’_ or you’ll probably punch me,” and Jennie laughed as Lisa rolled her eyes. 

“Mm,” she looked down at her jeans, at the small hole that allowed her to touch the skin of her knee. In theory, yes this was an easy question, but technically, this was also a loaded question. Every part of Jennie was her favorite part. The crinkle of her eyes whenever she laughed, that was perfect. Her gummy smile, that was perfect. Her long fingers that oddly were very attractive to Lisa and made her want to hold her hand whenever she thought about it. The way she ate, always taking her time and chewing slowly to enjoy it more, that was perfect. The way she always made Lisa laugh, the concentrated look on her face whenever they played video games or the way people always gravitated towards her almost like a moth to an open flame. 

“My favorite thing about you is how you hold my hand whenever we watch a scary movie...it- it makes me feel safe,” she muttered. 

She felt her ears turn red when Jennie snickered and hooked their pinky fingers together. ‘W-What about you...um...what is your favorite thing about me?”

“Your clumsiness,” she said without hesitation. “It makes me laugh whenever you walk into something or hurt yourself,” she giggled. 

“Gee thanks,” Lisa frowned. 

Now she had a bruised ego and if she got up and started walking back to their stuff, she would probably have a bruised knee from tripping over the dirt. 

“Where would you want to go for a second date?”

She stopped frowning long enough to smile when Jennie kept nudging her thigh and she took a second before gesturing toward the water. “A boat ride, after you have the baby of course. But I’ve always wanted to do that.”

“You have to let me push you into the water- like at least at some point,” she smirked. 

“If you push me in, I’m taking you down with me.”

Both of the girls laughed at that and Lisa imagined that if they were to do something like that, they would probably be banned for life, presumably. 

“Um...fa-favorite first date or nah?”

She wrung her fingers together on top of her jeans and it really shouldn’t matter whatever Jennie said but it did. It did to her. 

“Well…” she hummed. “She hasn’t really kissed me as much as I would like but other than that-” she said looking at Lisa. “It’s alright,” she shrugged. 

“Fucking punk,” Lisa blushed and ducked her head down to press two quick pecks against her mouth. When she moved to pull back, Jennie held on to the back of her neck and sucked her top lip into her mouth, nibbling on the skin and tugging on it until she pulled back and licked her lips with a small smile. 

“I- I- wan- I- wha,”

What were complete sentences? What were even words at this point? 

Lisa blinked rapidly and tried to get her breathing under control before she did something stupid like start hyperventilating out of nowhere. But it was hard to do that when Jennie almost kissed the life out of her in the two minutes that the kiss had been. 

“Can...can we- can we do that again?”

Jennie leaned forward, almost like she was about to start this again, before she smiled and bopped the younger girl on her nose. “It’s my turn to ask a question.”  
She leaned back and Lisa felt her heart drop back into her stomach. God, she was going to have a fucking heart attack at seventeen years old. 

“Do you like being my girlfriend?”

“What?” she blinked again. 

Jennie looked forward and if they hadn’t been sitting so close, close enough for their thighs to touch, Lisa would have missed the way she tensed up. 

Was she nervous?...But why? She had nothing to be nervous about. 

Lisa took a deep breath before tugging on her pinkie and cracking a smile. “I’ve wanted to be your girlfriend since the second grade; since before I knew what a girlfriend was.  
So...yes, I like- I love being your girlfriend.”

Jennie could deny it all she wanted to but Lisa saw the moment the blood rushed to her cheeks and the little twitch that her lip did whenever she was about to smile. She doesn’t smile, at least, not all the way. She simply rolls her eyes and mutters a soft _‘sap’_ underneath her breath. 

“Do you like being with a girl? Well- with me, at least?”

_Fuck! Abort, abort, abort! Why did I say that?!_

_Just when things were going good!_

_Fuck!_

She was just about to open her mouth and take it back when Jennie leaned back on the bench and pulled her hand away to rub the top of her stomach in slow patterns. Lisa doesn’t want to look too much into it but she feels like she asked something that she wasn’t supposed to. Something that she should have waited for- not something that she should have initiated. 

When a little girl runs past them, chasing after what is probably her brother, both of them shrieking with laughter, Jennie watches them and she shrugs. 

“I don’t even know how to answer the first part because you’re the first,” she says. “I’ve never...I’ve never done this, you know? Not with any other girl, at least.”

Lisa stares at her, not really saying anything but also not jumping for joy like she wants to at the fact that Lisa is her first. 

“I don’t even know what to call myself,” she snorts and briefly glances at the younger girl before looking away.

“I don’t feel what I feel for you, towards other girls. I don’t look at a girl and think that she’s someone that I want to be with or feel an attraction to her like I do with you. It’s- it’s just you,” she sighs. 

“I like being with _you_. Doing all this stuff with _you_.” 

She reaches out for her hand again, but instead of interlocking their pinkies, she grabs a hold of her hand and slots her fingers between Lisa’s own. 

“Does that seem weird?”

“No,” Lisa shakes her head. “I mean- it doesn’t, not to me.”

Jennie smiles, her eyes crinkling at the corner before she brings their joined hands to her mouth and kisses Lisa’s knuckles. The other girl wants to lean over and kiss her back, wants to somehow demonstrate how intensely she feels for her because she doesn’t think she can simply say it in words. But before she can, Jennie opens her mouth and asks a question. 

“How far have you gone with a girl?”

_Shit._

_Oh shit._

Lisa blanches. Her jaw goes slack and before she has time to close her mouth and compose herself, Jennie is bursting into a fit of laughter. Her gums peek out as she laughs loudly, her cheeks turn red as she sways a little to the side and slaps her thigh. When she starts wiping at her eyes, Lisa frowns and starts jabbing her in her arm until she yelps. 

“I don’t even know how to answer that!”

“How come?” Jennie laughs and Lisa really wants to punch her or maybe kiss her, her feelings are really confused right now. 

“J-Just-” she stutters. “Just because...I don’t know,” she frowns. 

It’s not that she’s embarrassed, but she is. She can’t help it. Jennie, obviously, isn’t a virgin. She’s kissed a lot of guys, told Lisa about all the guys she’s kissed, unfortunately. She has experience with people that Lisa didn’t have the courage to discover on her own. She’s touched places and did things and had things done to her that Lisa could only dream of. They exist in two different universes and Lisa doesn’t know why that bothers her so much. 

Jennie must catch on to the existential crisis that she has going on because she stops laughing and grabs her forearm, tugging on it until Lisa looks at her. 

“You don’t have to tell me,” she shakes her head. “I’m sorry if I went too far or if that was too personal.”

She actually looks upset, but she has no reason to be. Is anything really that personal between the two of them? Fuck, here she goes embarrassing herself again. 

“It’s- it’s not that,” she sighs. “You didn’t...you didn’t do anything wrong, I guess. I just don’t know what to say because I haven’t gotten that far. I mean, yeah Rachel and I messed around but we didn’t get very far.”

She thinks back to the first week that they were together, sometime after that kiss in front of the 7- Eleven and how Rachel had let her feel her boobs and it was the hottest thing that she could ever imagine doing. She thinks about how Rachel had tongue kissed her for an hour in the broom closet in the Theatre Arts building and how the other girl had let her give her a hickey on her neck just a week before they ‘broke up.’

“It was mostly stuff above the waist and with our clothes on.”

Jennie nods, staring at something over Lisa’s shoulder before she turns her gaze on her. It’s not intense but it’s not nonchalant, either. It’s thoughtful like she’s thinking of something but doesn’t know how to phrase it the proper way. 

“I guess... I’m just wondering- how far you might want to go... with me,” she says softly.

_What._

_WHAT._

“What?” Lisa squeaks. 

Jennie stares back at her, her eyes peeking underneath her lashes before she licks her lips and chuckles. 

“I _said_ ,” she stresses and pulls Lisa down, her breath fanning hot against her ear. “How far would you want to go with me?” she whispers.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“My point still stands, you are the dumbest lesbian that I have ever met in my life,” Chaeyoung says.

Lisa throws herself back on Chaeyoung’s sheets, twisting around until she’s on her stomach and her face is pressed against the pillow. Maybe if she lays here long enough she can suffocate herself and just die. At least, she won’t have to worry about being a virgin anymore or embarrassing herself in front of Jennie. But then she would die a virgin and never get to see Jennie naked, so yeah, no that won’t work.

_Fuck!_

When she feels something tugging on her leg, she just whines and kicks her feet out, hopefully, she’ll kick Chaeyoung and that will get her to stop. 

“I will literally punch you in the butt so hard that you won’t be able to shit for a week.”

Lisa yelps and flings herself back on her back, glaring at the other girl as she smiles and waves her fingers. 

“That got your attention, huh?”

“Shut the fuck up,” she muttered. “I hate you.”

“Sure you do,” she rolled her eyes. “Let’s talk about your actual concern, you know- the _reason_ you came to me for help.”

“I’m starting to regret that,” she mumbled and luckily Chaeyoung had turned around to sit at her desk, opening up her laptop and inputting her password before Chrome popped up. 

“Haven’t you watched porn before?”

Lisa blushed, pulling at the strings of her hoodie as Chaeyoung looked over her shoulder and snorted.

“I’ll take that as a no,”

“I mean, I have-” she said quickly and coughed when Chaeyoung raised an eyebrow at her. 

“It’s just- I don’t know. I saw videos that were pretty scary and it made me nervous and I started to cry.”

Chaeyoung bust out laughing, her laughter causing Lisa’s ears to turn bright red. She reached behind herself to grab one of her pillows off of her bed and chucked it at the girl, smacking her on her arm as she continued to laugh. 

“Who cries watching _porn_?” she wheezed. 

At this point, there were tears coming out of her eyes and no amount of hitting was going to stop her, so she clutched her pillow to her chest and frowned. 

“I shouldn’t have come here,” she huffed.

It takes a while for Chaeyoung to calm down, but once she does, she’s spinning herself around in the chair and biting down on her bottom lip hard, probably so she won’t laugh again. 

“I’m sorry, “ she says. “It’s just- Jennie is literally ready to fuck you and she’s been dating a girl for a few weeks. You’ve been a lesbian for your entire life and you cried watching porn.”

When she said it like that, well then yeah, it sounded pathetic. But fuck, she couldn’t help it that she had no experience whatsoever! The opportunity never presented itself to her and when it did, it just didn’t feel right and now here she was, a raging lesbian at seventeen and no prior experience to make up for it. 

“Please don’t make me feel even more upset than I do already. I know I’m lacking but I really don’t know what to do.”

She must have looked pretty lousy because the next thing she knew, Chaeyoung was sighing loudly and turning around to grab her laptop and climbing onto the bed until she was seated criss-cross beside Lisa. 

“I won’t but I mean, Jennie wants to and you want to as well, right?”

“Of course!” she said quickly. 

She wanted to have sex, preferably with Jennie, only with Jennie. 

“Of course, I do,” she sighed. “I really _really_ want to.”

“Okay then,” she nodded. “Let’s get to work and figure out what we have to do so you can lose your virginity to the love of your life.”

Lisa rolled her eyes but scooted closer as Chaeyoung began typing different terms into the search bar and pulling up websites that made Lisa blush. She had about ten different tabs open, most of them with instructions on the correct positions that you could have sex in with a pregnant partner and the others, porn sites demonstrating how lesbians did it. 

“I know the semantics,” Lisa said quickly and flinched when Chaeyoung shot her glance. “I do! I just- I don’t know... _how_ I guess?”

“I mean...it doesn’t _look_ that hard,” Chaeyoung shrugged. She maximized the window and turned the volume up since neither of her parents was home. The video started like any typical porn vid, a young woman dressed like a teenager, was sitting on the couch and pretending to talk to someone on the phone about the kid she was babysitting. 

Lisa tried not to roll her eyes because this was serious research that they were doing, but the minute the older woman, presumably the mom, came home, Lisa knew where this was headed. 

Chaeyoung skipped over the beginning and stopped it at the part where they began undressing each other, whispering things to each other while the younger girl slipped out of her underwear and attempted to pull the other woman’s bra off. 

“You just have to do things that you like,” Chaeyoung shrugged and scrubbed forward on the video until the younger girl was sitting in the other woman’s lap, both of them naked and making out. 

“Like this!” she said. “That’s easy. Maybe just kiss for a while until you guys are used to it. This would probably be more comfortable for Jennie anyway, you know with the bump and everything.”

That was true. The last thing Lisa wanted was for Jennie to be uncomfortable throughout this. That would ruin everything.

Chaeyoung sped the video up again until the older woman was leaning back against the pillows with her legs spread as the other girl was eating her out. Lisa blushed and glanced over at Chaeyoung, somewhat in disbelief at how she could just look at this with a straight face. 

“H-How am I going to do that? Jennie hates laying on her back, it makes it hard for her to breathe.”

“You could come back to that at a later date,” Chaeyoung waved her hand. “Granted, that _is_ the best part…” she hummed and Lisa made a note to ask her how she knew that but then decided against it. She didn’t need that kind of information in her life. 

“You could probably prop her up like the lady is. Shouldn’t be too bad if she’s sitting up,” she shrugged. 

Did she have enough pillows in her room to do that? Well, maybe she could take some of the couch cushions...or if they did it at Jennie’s place it would probably work out better since she had a bunch of throw pillows on her bed. 

“This forum,” Chaeyoung says, switching to a different tab full of threads. “It says that you should probably breathe on her like just to tease her, it’s good foreplay. Also, kiss her over her underwear, girls like that and be messy. It literally says be messy,” she snorted and pointed at the text. 

“So, kiss her underwear, breathe on her, and be messy. That’s...not so bad…” Lisa murmured. “What else?”

“Um...well, you should spread it open, like open her up and alternate between light flicks with your tongue and sucking or just using your fingers.”

She switched back to the video and played it again. “Like what she’s doing.”

After watching for a few minutes, Chaeyoung fast forwarded the video until both girls were scissoring each other and panting between hurried kisses. Her face turned red when one of the women moaned loudly and her leg started to shake underneath the other girl. 

“Just watch a few videos and get comfortable with it,” she says and slides the laptop over to Lisa’s lap before climbing off the bed. 

“I’ll be right back.”

Lisa watches her go and lowers the volume with a frown. This is so fucking pathetic. How is she seventeen and she doesn’t know how to finger a girl properly? She needs to join a lesbian support group or something, or hang out with lesbians who are experienced in this area. 

When the video ends, she clicks on a different one and sighs loudly as the same studio logo from the last video appears.

 

 

* * *

 

 

It’s Friday. 

Five weeks from the day that Jennie kissed her underneath the bleachers. Four weeks from their date at the park and in exactly...twenty minutes, the time of which Lisa will finally lose her virginity. Give or take a few minutes.

She’s still in the bathroom, sitting on the toilet seat as she brushes her teeth for the third time this day. She figures if she’s gonna eat Jennie out she should at least be hygienic about it. When she stands back up, she spits into the sink and washes her mouth out before shoving her toothbrush back into the Ziploc bag that she brought. 

Jennie’s house was the more reasonable place considering she had a lock on her bedroom door and her mom was pulling a late night shift at the hospital. Zero interruptions and zero distractions. 

“You can do this,” she muttered to herself. 

She stared back at her reflection in the mirror, running her fingers through her hair before pulling it into a ponytail and then deciding against it and taking the hair tie out. 

“You can do this,” she said again. 

Lisa took another deep breath and ran a hand down her face before turning the light off and opening the bathroom door. Jennie jumped when she stepped out, both girls looking at each other before they started laughing and Lisa shook her head at how silly this was. 

“Hey.”

“Hey,” Jennie smiled. “C’mere.”

Lisa nodded, walking across the room and rounding the bed where Jennie stood next to her nightstand. The glow of her lamp cast shadows across the walls and painted her skin in stripes of a warm yellow color. 

When she was close enough, Jennie reached out to her, trailing her hands across the top of her shoulders and running them down her arms. She felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up, and the ghost of her fingerprints leave her skin aching. It was weird but a good type of weird. When Jennie pulled away, she looked up at Lisa and kept eye contact with her as she started to unbutton her pajama top. When the material fell to her elbows, Lisa continued to stare at her until the shirt fell to the ground, pooling at her feet.

_She wasn’t wearing a bra._

_She wasn’t wearing a bra._

_SHE WASN’T WEARING A BRA!_

Lisa swallowed loudly, her breath stuttering in her chest as Jennie took her hands and pressed them against her chest.

_Fuck._

“Fuck,” she whispered. 

Jennie chuckled and looked down at her hands, pulling her own away to push her sleep shorts down and kick them off towards the wall. 

“I can’t believe this is real,” Lisa said. 

The skin of her breast was so soft and supple underneath her fingertips that she couldn’t help but squeeze them, her eyes widening when Jennie let out a little gasp. She ran her hands down to cup them in her palms before dragging her fingers over the swell of her stomach and crowding into her space to kiss her. She made a small noise of surprise in the back of her throat but smiled when Lisa grabbed her hips and dug her fingers in the flesh, pulling her closer as her hands roamed across her back. Without the fabric in the way, she could feel each notch of her spine, the skin that stretched over her shoulders, and the goosebumps that rose when she grabbed a hold of her ass. 

“Fuck,” Jennie breathed against her lips. 

“Not yet, let me feel first.”

Jennie bit down on her lip and Lisa laughed, squeezing her ass again as the older girl muttered _‘dick’_ underneath her breath. 

Their noses bumped against each other as Jennie grabbed the side of her neck and angled her head down. She tasted like iced tea and mints and when she swiped her tongue against her lips, Lisa opened up and groaned when she felt the muscle lick at her teeth and the roof of her mouth. 

“Your clothes-” she said. “Your clothes too.”

She pushed her away at her shoulders and Lisa stumbled back, frowning as the other girl laughed in all her naked glory. God, she looked so beautiful. 

“Hurry.”

“Okay, okay.”

Lisa pulled her t-shirt over her head and reached back to unclip her bra, hurriedly pulling it off and pushing her Spongebob Squarepants boxers down her legs before she was standing just as naked too. 

Jennie beckoned her over and Lisa wasted no time crowding back into her space and tilting her head upwards so she could look at her. She blinked slowly, her brown eyes warm under the light and her lips red and slightly swollen from their kiss minutes ago. 

“I love you,” Lisa whispered. 

She ran her thumb across her cheek before pressing it against her bottom lip, the skin giving away as her mouth parted.

“I love you too, Lalisa.”

She leaned up on her tippy toes to press a kiss against her mouth and it wasn’t long before Lisa was kissing her back, her hands grabbing a hold of her as she felt her stomach flutter when Jennie bit down on her lip. 

It took some careful maneuvering but eventually, Lisa was able to turn them around until the back of her knees hit the mattress. She broke the kiss to sit down on the bed, moving until her back was against the headboard and then helped Jennie climb onto her lap. 

“Are you okay? Tell me if this is uncomfortable.”

“I’m alright,” she smiled and laced her arms around her neck before moving until she was seated right on top of Lisa’s thighs. 

“I’m not heavy?”

“Not really, it feels nice. I like it.” Lisa ran her hands along her thighs and grabbed a hold of her hips before reaching for her ass and squeezing hard. 

“I should have known that you would be an ass girl,” Jennie laughed. “You’re so obvious sometimes.”

She leaned forward to continue kissing Lisa and the younger girl groaned when Jennie started rocking forward slowly, their hips connecting and causing both of them to hiss when their pelvis’ touched. Lisa ran her left hand up her back, grabbing a hold of her shoulder as Jennie began trailing kisses along her jaw before taking a hold of her earlobe and tugging on it with her teeth.

“Oh fuck!” she yelped. 

Jennie pulled back, her eyes wide but shining in amusement as Lisa turned red and squirmed underneath her. 

“...Are you...okay?”

 _No. Maybe._ “Yes,” she frowned and averted her eyes to look down at the design on her comforter. God, this was so embarrassing and all they had done was hump each other a little and make out.

Jennie didn’t say anything but Lisa could feel her staring at her and the longer they sat in the dark without talking, the more nervous Lisa was starting to become. Maybe they should start over or maybe she should go back to the bathroom. 

Yes, the bathroom would be good. She could regroup, probably act like those last few seconds didn’t happen. Yep, that’s what she was going to do - 

Jennie took her earlobe back into her mouth and sucked on it hard, causing Lisa to jerk her leg and let out an embarrassingly loud moan. 

Oh, God. This was it. This was a kink. Great, she liked getting her ears messed with. Fucking. Go. Figure. 

Before she had time to really dwell on that, Jennie was sliding a hand into her hair and pulling on the strands, not hard enough to hurt, but enough to elicit a shock in her spine and have her whimper. Jennie worked on her ear for a few minutes, alternating between tugging on it and sucking it, before Lisa grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her off so she could kiss her again. 

The AC blowing on her ear should have disgusted her, considering she could feel the saliva on her skin, but all it did was make her, even more, hornier as she cupped one of her boobs and began squeezing and kneading the flesh. 

Jennie jerked, her nose knocking into her own as she sighed loudly and began rotating her hips in small circles over her. Their moves were sloppy and uncoordinated but the way she was moaning was turning Lisa on so much that she couldn’t find a reason to care. She pinched her nipple and twisted it between her fingers, the older girl letting out a sharp cry. 

“K-K-Keep...keep doing t-that,” she trembled. Jennie pressed a kiss to the top of her lip before flicking her tongue at the edge of her mouth and sighing when Lisa began doing the same to the other nipple. 

Every time she would squeeze the flesh or mess with her nipples, Lisa would watch her expressions to make sure that she wasn’t doing something to hurt her or if Jennie was actually enjoying it. Her jaw was slack and she was staring back at her, her eyes slightly glazed over as she whined and jerked hips forward. 

When she pushed her chest forward, Lisa had no idea where the idea came from, but she bent down and took her boob in her mouth, her lips latching around the nipple and sucking on it _hard_. Jennie’s reaction was instantaneous.

Her fingernails bore themselves down on Lisa’s shoulder, probably hard enough to leave marks, and her stomach bumped into Lisa’s own, the baby kicking her hard enough for Lisa to feel it. 

“Oh my god!” she sobbed. 

Lisa could still taste the soap on her skin and as she looked up, Jennie had her eyes pinched closed and her teeth biting down hard enough on her lip that Lisa worried she would break the skin. Lisa sucked on her nipple for a few minutes before pulling away, a string of saliva following her until it broke and Jennie was angling her head up to kiss her. 

“Fuck me,” she murmured. “Fuck me, please. Please, please, _please_ ,” she pleaded. “Need you, want you right now,” she gasped. 

“Okay, just-” she took a deep breath, pulling back as Jennie pressed light kisses to her cheek. “Just tell me- tell me what to- what to do...I don’t know.”

She must have sounded as pathetic as she thought because Jennie had leaned away, staring at her in a way that was so soft and patient, that Lisa felt herself calm down somewhat. Her chest didn’t feel as tight as it did a minute ago, but she still had her fists balled up tightly against the small of Jennie’s back. A few more minutes passed...ten...fifteen...maybe even twenty before the older girl leaned forward, kissing the top of her nose and both of her eyelids. The silence in the room was packed with their breathing, both of their chests moving slowly and haphazardly, out of synch even, but in a way that Lisa didn’t feel as nervous as she did before. 

When she finally opened her mouth, Jennie was waiting for her, all soft brown eyes and with a small smile. 

“I don’t want to do anything wrong...b-but I’m not sure...of what to do.”

“Just do what feels good. I’ll help you, don’t worry.”

She kissed her softly, her mouth gently coaxing her to respond, to open up and let her in. Lisa took another minute before she started kissing her back, her eyes falling shut as Jennie ran her hands over her arms, down her chest, feeling her stomach, and pulling her as close as humanly possible. 

When she pulled back, Jennie watched her as she took Lisa’s hand, examining her fingernails and running her own fingertips across her knuckles before she opened her mouth and pressed two of Lisa’s fingers onto her tongue. 

“Holy shit- !” she choked. 

Jennie smirked around the fingers, her lips closing on the digits and sucking hard. Her tongue lapped at the skin and nibbled on the pads of her finger before she pulled them out with saliva coating them and dripping down her chin. 

“Start with one,” she murmured. “Then do two.”

Oh. Okay. 

They were really going to do this. She could- okay she could do this. 

She held onto Jennie’s hip as she leaned over the side of the bed and fumbled for the bottle of strawberry flavored lube on the dresser. Once she had it, she uncapped the top and poured some over her fingers, rubbing the liquid in her palm before she tossed the bottle and moved her hand to her pussy.

“Remember, go slow,” Jennie whispered. She kissed underneath Lisa’s ear then bit lightly at her jaw before running a tongue over the area and rocking down just as Lisa’s fingers rubbed gently between her folds. 

“O-Oh!” she jerked. “Just - just like that,” she breathed. 

Her eyes were slightly lidded and when she bit down on her lip, Lisa started rubbing lazy circles against the flesh. With her saliva and the lube, Jennie was practically dripping onto her hand and although she couldn’t see it, not with the bump in the way, she could feel how wet she was and honestly, this would be enough to get her off right now. 

When she dipped her finger into her entrance, Jennie moaned loudly, burying her face into Lisa’s neck as she pushed in until her entire finger was inside. 

“O-oh, fuck. Oh, _fuck!_ ”

She jerked on her lap and Lisa leaned forward to kiss her shoulder, sliding her finger in and out as Jennie hiccuped into her skin and clawed at her back. 

“L-Lisa…” she trembled. “L-Lisa...please, baby- “ she croaked. 

“Another?” 

Jennie nodded quickly and Lisa wasted no time plunging a second finger in, the older girl letting out a loud high-pitched whine as she started fucking her fingers into her at a rapid pace. 

“H-Ha- oh my...oh m-my goddd…” she moaned. “Oh my god.”

“Tell me,” Lisa murmured and kissed her on the cheek. “Tell me it’s good.”

Jennie struggled to open her mouth, her eyes pinching close as she rocked down on her fingers and it was so hot that Lisa kept at it, her thumb joining in to rub at her clit. 

“G-g-good,” she stuttered. “S’ good,” she slurred. “Don’t stop. Ple-please don’t stop.”

She angled upwards to kiss her hard, their lips sliding together as Jennie panted in her mouth and held onto her as if she was going to float away. 

“I can- I can come, just like- just like this,” she whined. “Just don’t stop, _pleaseee._ ”

“I won’t,” she promised, shaking her head. “I won’t, wanna see you come.”

She squeezed another finger inside of her, crooking them forward and hearing the squelch of her juices as she pummeled her fingers in as fast as she could. Jennie shouted, her legs tightening around Lisa as she kept pushing her hips down. 

“Love you,” Lisa whispered. “Love you so much. I’m so happy I get this with you.”

Jennie’s eyes were squeezed shut, her jaw slack as she shook and eventually grit her teeth, muttering a soft, _‘love you too,’_ right before Lisa twisted her hand and easily slid a fourth finger into her entrance. 

She leaned forward, mouthing at the skin where her neck and her shoulder meet, smelling the soap and the faint scent of Jennie before she bit down and pushed up at a spongy part inside of her. 

Jennie screamed, her fingernails drawing blood on Lisa’s skin as she shook and trembled in the other girl’s arms. Fluid squirted out, wetting the palm of her hand and the sheets underneath them as Lisa feels her walls clutch at her fingers. Jennie takes a moment to calm down, her breath coming out hot and in short bursts. Lisa keeps her fingers inside, gently moving them in her warmth before she slowly slides them out, her skin wet and glistening as Jennie whines. 

“That was-” she takes in a lungful of air before lifting up and smiling at her. “That was the best, you were perfect.”

“Really?”

“Really,” Jennie nodded and then leaned forward to kiss Lisa. It was uncoordinated and sloppy, her lips still trembling but it felt good and that was all that mattered. 

“Can we lay down, though? My legs feel like jelly and I want to do it with you too.”

Lisa blushed, the top of her ears turning red as she nodded silently and maneuvered both of them until they were on their sides, facing each other under the blankets.  
Jennie pulled her closer, feeling her arms and kissing her mouth again until she was able to hook one of her legs over her hip and tangle her fingers in her hair. 

“You’re not tired?”

“Nope,” she said popping the ‘p.’

“Want your fingers in me again,” she murmured and licked at her top lip before grabbing her shoulder. “Want my fingers in you too.”

“Oh my fucking God.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“So you’re no longer a virgin _and_ you’re going to be a parent in a few days...life comes at you fast, huh?”

Lisa leaned over her seat to shove Chaeyoung, the younger girl letting out a shriek as she clutched the end of the table to keep herself from falling. 

“You piece of shit!”

“Shut up.”

Jennie laughed loudly, the straw slipping out of her mouth as she watched both girls. It was Tuesday, just three days before her scheduled due date and the time that they would finally get to meet Joon-Woo. 

Lisa ignored Chaeyoung and instead, fixed her letterman jacket around Jennie’s shoulder, making sure she was bundled up because it was chilly in the courtyard and her cheeks were already turning red from the wind. 

Lunch was almost over, their bags of Burger King spread out on the table and their milkshakes empty except for Jennie’s. 

Chaeyoung was already gathering their trash to throw away in the bin while Lisa stood up and then helped Jennie to her feet before lacing their hands together. 

“Hate to cut this short and miss Jennie shove her tongue down your throat, _but_ ,” she stressed. “I have to get to Korean History or I’ll get d-hall, see ya, mom and dad!”

She slung her backpack over her shoulder, casting them a quick wave before running towards the door and disappearing down the hall. 

Jennie snorted and after throwing her cup away, grabbed onto Lisa’s arm and pulled her close so she could kiss her neck. “M’sleepy,” she yawned. 

“You’re always sleepy after you eat,” Lisa smiled. “Wanna skip sixth period and take a nap in my car?”

Jennie hummed, the idea sounding pleasant before she remembered that she had to turn in her portfolio for journalism or else her teacher would give her an F for the assignment. 

“Can’t,” she frowned. “I have stuff to do.”

Lisa grabbed a hold of her chin to tilt her face upward and smiled at her, the pout that she was wearing just too cute to resist. She bent down and pressed a short kiss to her lips, the taste of cherry lip gloss making her snort. 

“Nap later, then?”

“Definitely,” she nodded. 

The bell rang, signaling the end of the lunch period and Lisa wrapped her arms around Jennie’s shoulders, pulling her close as she started swaying from side to side. 

“Thank you. Thank you for giving me a chance, Jennie Kim.”

The older girl laughed softly, her fingers digging into Lisa’s side as she hugged her back and felt her heart thud against her ear. “Such a sap,” and when she said it, Lisa could hear the smile in her voice. “Let’s get to class, first.”

She pulled away, threading their fingers together and Lisa knew, she just knew that whatever happened, wherever they went, or whatever came their way, they would be okay. As long as it was Jennie and Lisa, they would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can't believe this is the end : (  
> this was the most fun that I have ever had writing a fic. I enjoyed reading all of your comments and fleshing out these characters and creating this universe. i hope you enjoyed this as much as i did and please forgive me for the sex scene, i had over ten different drafts of how it was supposed to go down.


End file.
